Thursday, December 4, 2008

Bizaro Barney Box Cutter Bafoon

A woman with a box cutter..... no not a Box cutter was apprehended in Hollywood yesterday as she threatened to slit the the bus drivers throat if she did not drive her to her location. Barney the Dinosaur who was working the strip for tips helped Storm Troopers find the culprit. No word yet if LA Bus Girl is the woman blamed for the threat.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Hollywood Winterfest & Santa Parade Street Closures

All you people complaining about lack of parking in Hollywood, welcome to your worst nightmare.

"Jedi don't have nightmares."

My question is, how many of you all that complain about parking also complain about the possibility of losing this parade forever? Hollywood doesn't need more parking, it needs less cars. Hollywood doesn't need less people aka density, it needs less drivers.

Anywho, I digress.

Tow-Away No Stopping, Saturday 6 PM (11/29/08) to Monday 6 AM (12/1/08)

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Orange Dr
Orange Dr between Hollywood Blvd & Hawthorn Ave
Hollywood Blvd between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Hawthorn Ave between La Brea Ave & Mc Cadden Pl
Lanewood Ave between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Sunset Blvd between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
De Longpre Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
Fountain Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
El Cerrito Pl between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Sycamore Ave between Franklin Ave & Hawthorn Ave
Sycamore Ave between Sunset Blvd & Fountain Ave
Orange Dr between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Orange Dr between Hawthorn Ave & Santa Monica Blvd
Mansfield Ave between De Longpre Ave & Fountain Ave
McCadden Pl between Yucca St & Hawthorn Ave
Las Palmas Ave between Hollywood Blvd & Selma Ave

Tow-Away No Stopping, Sunday (11/30/08) 11AM to Midnight:

Hollywood Blvd between Cherokee Ave & Vine St
Vine St between Hollywood Blvd & Sunset Blvd
Sunset Blvd between Vine St & Highland Ave
Franklin Ave between La Brea Ave & Highland Ave
Santa Monica Blvd between La Brea Ave & Gower St
Highland Ave between Franklin Ave & Sunset Blvd
La Brea Ave between Franklin Ave & Fountain Ave East side of street only
Cahuenga Blvd between Yucca St & Hollywood Blvd West side of street only

Tow-Away No Stopping, Any Time Sunday:

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Cherokee Ave
Yucca St between Gower St & Argyle St North side of street only
La Brea Ave between Sunset Blvd & De Longpre Ave West side of street only
Vine St between Fountain Ave & Lexington Ave West side of street only
Alta Vista Blvd between Fountain Ave & 100’ northerly
Sunset Blvd between Vermont Ave & New Hampshire Ave North side of street only

Freeway Closures: Hollywood Freeway, HWY 101:

Northbound and Southbound off-ramps of Cahuenga Blvd. and Highland Ave. will all be closed at 3:00 p.m., reopening at 10:00 p.m.

No Parking Postings:

On Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2008, posting will begin on those streets that are designated “NO PARKING” for Saturday, Nov. 29, Sunday, Nov 30 and Monday, Dec. 1, 2008.

When Sandcrawlers Collide

At around 9am a Sandcrawler traveling Northbound on Virgil Ave was struck by another Sandcrawler traveling Westbound at high speed and having run a red light at Santa Monica Blvd in East Hollywood. The impact left shattered glass all over the intersection. Nine Storm Trooper squads were called to the scene including ambulances and fire trucks. Virgil Ave remained closed for about an hour while crews cleaned the wreckage.

No doubt the nine Storm Trooper squads were called in to verify if the Sandcrawlers had any stolen droids. No word yet if any Jawas perished in the tradgedy. One Jawa is however being held os suspision of wreckless driving.

Turns out the collision was caused because one of the Sandcrawlers was involved in a high speed chase beginning in South Los Angeles and ended in East Hollywood.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bike Parking or Fort Knox?

A little over a year ago I was introduced to Jedi Master Box. I'd never met somebody like him... actually... I still have yet to meet somebody like him. Anywho.... a few months later I ran into him at Barnsdall Art Park in East Hollywood when he said "Dude. Where'd you park your bike?" I was embarrassed to say I drove but managed to Jedi Mind Trick him and convince him that I didn't bike up Olive Hill because there was no proper bike parking. Which was the purpose of the conversation anyways. Months went by and I continued to dive up to Barnsdall for whatever reason I needed to go up there. On one of my most recent visits I made an astonishing observation. I ACTUALLY found bike parking. After carefully monitoring the situation I realized how ridiculous and pathetic the single rack was. Not only as you can see is it a single U-Lock but it seems to be surrounded by 6 posts to keep your bike safe. Awww..... how considerate.

Does this single bike parking make a difference? No
Does this single bike parking need to be protected like Fort Knox? Yes

Really? Yes. Because this single bike parking is directly in front of two handicapped spaces. I envision some geriatric driver who see's these yellow posts and mistakes them for a yellow light and then they floor it to make the light but eventually hit the posts that were meant to stop them but since the city probably did a half ass job of installing them they will no doubt succumb to the 1967 Ford Fairlane with the 427 Big Block and only 65,000 miles on it leaving your classic schwinn looking like some of the "Street Art" on Vermont and great grandma claims it was already like that before she got there.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

It wasn't me

Security Guards at the Scientology Celebrity Centre shot and killed a man wielding a lightsaber earlier today. The man who has now become one with the Force was obviously not a Jedi since a Jedi would have had no problem deflecting the blaster shot. No word yet if the victim was challenging Tom Cruise to the title of Last Samurai.

Thanks to all those concerned people out there who contacted me immediatly after learning of this tradgedy to know of my well being.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

John Williams is the Man

Forgive the long absence but I think I've been spreading myself a little too thin recently but recent developments will allow me to focus some time on other important things like blogging. For those of you who know me personally look out for a real blog with my name on it coming soon... hopefully in January.

As for this.... enjoy.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Falcon

A week after my AT-AT was brought down by a drunk snow speeder pilot I purchased a new transport. Its taken me this long to let you all know because it has taken time for me to get it ready to show you. Unfortunately this is all you get to see. Any guesses what it is?

Don't honk at me because I WILL shoot you with my uncivilized blaster.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Jedi's observation

If NIMBY's were Jedi, then every time a Craftsman home gets demolished, they would clutch their hearts, get jelly legged and say: "I feel a disturbance in the force."

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dont be alarmed!

That ground shaking you felt earlier today, turned out to be a prototype concussion grenade tested by mandalorians out by Chino Hills. Looks like it works. I keep telling them that they gotta stop that shit but I can only handle so many mandalorians by myself. Nerves were rattled, tears were shed, especially in tall buildings downtown by hysterical women, water mains were broken and unreinforced brick buildings were damaged. Basically, I make the Jedi Temple shake more when the Jedi Mistress is in town.

New Ride!

Well kinda. After driving a mighty AT-AT, driving anything else is like shooting wamp rats back home. Pretty tame. These days I'm relegated to driving a Sand Crawler. I feel like a soccer mom driving this thing around. Despite losing my ride I'm looking forward to purchasing something that looks like a YT-1300 light freighter I can nickname The Falcon. Of course I'll try my best to get it in Dodger Blue.

Monday, July 28, 2008

T-47 brings down AT-AT

Saturday night while stomping my way down to San Diego to visit other Jedi at the Annual Comic-Con I was attacked by a drunk T-47 pilot. Rather than use a harpoon and tow cable like most conventional snow speeder pilots, this one decided to crash into a wall, pushing it into my lane.

With only parsecs to react and the AT-AT's inability to swerve like a pod-racer, I struck the wall at full speed. The impact launched me into the air breaking one of my legs. After landing and having only three legs to control the damaged AT-AT, it succumbed to the excess weight and nothing to hold it up and I fell on my side where I dragged along the ground for about 20 feet when my broken leg caught on something flipping me over onto my remaining, now damaged legs and it finally fell on its chin. Medical droids arrived soon after and they all malfunctioned after they saw me walk away from the metal carnage.

*Obviously now that the tragedy has passed I can laugh about it on this blog but to be serious for a moment, I am fine. I should be dead. The drunk driver was traveling on the opposite side of the freeway when she hit the center divider head first pushing a portion of the wall into my lane where I hit it. I flew, I flipped, I dragged and flipped again. I walked away with a small scratch on my left elbow.*






Drunk didnt fair much better:

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Beware the Sarlacc!

Lat night while attending the Silver Lake Neighborhood Councils monthly board meeting I came accross this gem after the fighting and bickering stopped over some pesky bylaws matter. Silver Lake also became the second Neighborhood Council to support the Bicyclists Bill of Rights.

During post Bill of Rights celebrations one of the cyclists nearly fell into the Great Pit of Carkoon only to notice the sign after a rescue attempt was successful. Moments later the Sarlacc crawled back into its depression awaiting its next unsuspecting victim.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Sunset Gordon update

Jedi Master Box attended the meeting mentioned in my last entry and reported on it at laist. Great work Jedi Master Box!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Not Frozen in Carbonite

Explanation for my extended disappearance.... aside from a brief vacation to the Lake Country on Naboo, assisting in the filming of a short film, Jedi training with Dza Hai Bindo (more on him another day), visiting the Turd Burglar, spending some extra time with the Sith Attorney and dealing with random film crews outside the Jedi Temple, I've been pretty busy with real life bantha poodoo that has no place in this blog.

One interesting thing to blog about however is the creation of a new park in Hollywood. No not that huge one over the 101 freeway that NIMBY's like Grand Moff Serial are convinced wont get built because its just an excuse to change the planning policy and stuff like that, but rather a small pocket park on the corner of Sunset and Gordon. Wait what!? If you're having trouble imagining what is there at the moment then maybe this will jog your memory.

The Sunset Gordon is a 300 condominium, 13,000 sq.ft of retail, 40,000 sq.ft. of creative office space and a half-acre public park that will comprise this high-rise (hye-rise?) sitting atop of the Old Spaghetti Factory. (very Coruscantish) No the train will not be a part of the building. The train was sold to a private buyer who sill hasn't gotten his purchase. Wait till he sees the funky new graffiti it comes with.

The CRA along with Portland based Gerding Edlen, Council District 13, The LA Neighborhood Land Trust, and The Hollywood Studio District Neighborhood Council (no website available. lol) will be hosting a community wide meeting on Thursday June 26th to receive community input on what this park should look like. A definite must go if you live within walking distance of this location.

Couple interesting notes on this project are that this might just be the first time a developer like Gerding Edlen has ever been able to use its own Quimby Funds to build a park on its property, something Rec & Parks doesn't want you to know. And the 1/2 acre will be creatively placed on top of the parking garage being built for this new building.

I'm excited to see it built. You should too. Cant wait to see the finished product! YAY development!

And now... off to a Jedi Council Meeting.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Garcetti Quietly tries to turn Hollywood into Coruscant

One of the beauties of living in Hollywood has been being able to wake up every day and look at the Hollywood Sign. A few years ago my view of the Hollywood Sign was obstructed by an eyesore of a development project that doesn't even service this community. It was then that I decided I needed to take a more active role in my community and as a Jedi I have convinced a few week minded fools to allow me to establish myself in this great community. Of course it was too late for me to get my view of the Hollywood Sign back but it remains a touchy subject.

For example, the current location of the Guatelinda Night Club is currently in the works to have the whole block from Edgemont to Kenmore be developed into a 16-story Hotel and a 12 story Condo Complex with a few town homes and some retail space. This is a HUGE project that will no doubt block the spectacular view of the Hollywood Sign from Barnsdall Art Park, when the land was originally given to the City of LA, no structure East of Edgemont between the park and the street was supposed to be higher than 50 feet. Granted this project will be west of Edgemont but thats a huge size differential. The East Hollywood Neighborhood Council's Planning and Beautification Committee will be entertaining this developer at their next meeting May 5th at 7pm at the Hollywood Youth and Family Center, located at 607 N. Vermont Ave.

Another example, and this one floored me at first, was brought to my attention by the Militant Angeleno who knows my hatred of Hollywood Sign blocking development. It turns out that the squeaky clean Council President Garcetti has had his hand buried in some bantha fodder lately according to this article in LA Weekly. I'm not completely convinced. I think the author of the article is a bit of a GHP. Columbia Square, which is located at 6121 Sunset Blvd will soon be home to a 40-story skyscraper and a 14-story office building that will no doubt block somebody's view of the Hollywood Sign. I'm going to let you people make up your own mind on that.

I've always been of the opinion that Hollywood has lost its luster over the years despite it being the Center of Attention for so long. Projects like these and the W are bringing Hollywood back into the forefront of LA.

This project is within walking distance of a Metro Station. It will be within walking distance of the proposed Hollywood Central Park which I am a huge fan of. With gas prices already at $4 a gallon and i guarantee will reach $5 by the summer of 2009 people WILL be using the mass transit available to them. People WILL be biking more than driving and people WILL be taking the bus more. People WILL walk to the park. People WILL walk to their local shops.

Maybe with all this walking and biking Hollywood and even LA will begin to have a more community feel to it. Eyes on the streets. Neighbors actually knowing each other. Sidewalks will become conducive to socializing and lets face it people... the denser this area gets, the safer it gets. Its beginning to sound like Manhattan. NY'ers will say YAY. Angelenos will say NAY. I say, Coruscant works fine.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Beyond The Call

Yesterday I went to see a movie screening of Beyond The Call with my Sith Attorney at the downtown Laemmle located on Fig. I caught wind of this movie because it starred three Jedi Knights from Malta who started an organization called Knightsbridge International who travel around the world dedicated to providing humanitarian assistance and disaster relief worldwide without regard to race, religion or national origin. This film, made by the same guys that did the Academy nominated Genghis Blues, follows these three Jedi Knights around the world for three years going to places like Afghanistan, Thailand and the Philippines as they provide food, shelter, clothes, medicine and even solar energy to those in need. This is not a movie you should miss. It will be screening at the same theater until Thursday, April 24th. The filmmaker will be available for Q+A after the movie during certain screenings. These guys are so cool, they even have their own action figures!

Knightsbridge International is currently planning a Humanitarian Aide Mission to Darfur.

Movie Trailer

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Somebody cut me. Four times!

Okay. So I've been a shitty Jedi of late and not blogged. I swear I have good reasons.

As many of you know, back in September I had a bit of a medical problem with my gall bladder. And then despite not blogging it, back in January I made trip to the sick bay at nearby Hollywood Presbyterian where they told me I needed to have surgery asap!

Three months later, which I suppose is a testament to this country's health care system, I went in for my "oh so important and necessary" surgery to have my gall bladder removed.

In case you have morbid curiosity like me, here is a video of what they do.

Tuesday morning (April Fools Day) I went in for surgery to have it removed because it was kicking my ass. All day Monday I was doing things expecting them to be the last time I would ever do them. My last supper sucked. My last shit was unsatisfying. I had Danica visit because she wanted to borrow a movie that is really hard to find and because it would be easier to borrow while I’m still alive. Whatever. I went to Dodgers opening day and that was full of mixed emotions because as much as I love the Dodgers and they won the game against the hated Giants, a friend of mine somehow became my conscience and wouldn’t allow me to eat yummy stadium food.

My registration time for surgery was changed last minute from 6am to 5am. That sucked. Why even bother going to sleep right?

Anyways, I show up to the hospital and they were expecting me. Nice old lady registered me and said they would be with me in a few minutes. Not long after I got taken into a pre-op room where I had to strip and put a hospital gown on. I laid in bed and they asked me a bunch of questions about allergies and lifestyle habits. Then I had to sign some paperwork. Thats when I started to freak out. Thats when they said, "just in case Dr. Riviera cant perform the surgery laparoscopically he may have to cut you open and you may have to stay a couple of days.

cue broken R2 Unit

Say what!? Totally unexpected. Why wouldn’t he be able to do it how we discussed? Oh its just in case he finds something unusual or maybe wants to explore something else. WTF! This guy is a surgeon not a fucking conquistador exploring my innards!

Needless to say I was freaking out at this point. I signed the waiver but was scared shitless. Nurse came in and strapped an IV on my hand. Why my hand? Why not my arm? I started questioning everything. My heart was beating faster than Lando Calrissians hands were during his gambling days. Suddenly I became ultra sensitive to my entire surroundings and could hear conversations the Medical Corps were having down the hall.

In walked the anesthesiologist. He asked me all the same questions the nurses had asked me earlier. Explained how he was gonna knock me the fuck out, then walked away. Crazy thing was, he really did look like Nick Riviera. Next walked in another doctor who said he would be assisting on my surgery and asked me what I was having done. WTF? You’re asking me! You should know! Next walks in my surgeon and he asks me the same thing!


Well, looks like the OR is ready. They start to wheel my scared ass into a room thats freezing with all kinds of medical droids and people in masks and beeps and basically I thought I was going to go through a Darth Vader conversion operation at this point. I jump from the medical capsule onto the operating table and lay down. The Anesthesiologist slaps a mask over my face and says take deep breaths I need your lungs to fill with oxygen before I put you down. WTF! I’m not a dying dog! The mask was uncomfortable and as much I could inhale I couldn't exhale for shit and it started to freak me out. I had one doctor grab my right arm and put a blood pressure monitor on it and then strap it down to the table, then another guy took my left arm and strapped it down to the table. Somebody put a heartbeat monitor on my finger and then they strapped my legs down to the table. I freaked out and said "why are you strapping me d........ ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ

So yeah. I passed out. I had a crazy dream that I was fighting people and trying to run away. When I woke up, everything was a haze, blurry, voices seemed distant yet close by and my feet were cold so I asked a nurse next to me to bring me a blanket. She said don't go anywhere. Where am I going to go? She laughed. I lay there trying to correct my vision when I realized that surgery must be over and that I had tried to run away. I asked the nurse when she returned if I had really tried to run away and she laughed and said yes. She said as soon as I woke up I had tried to run away and it took four nurses to restrain me and get me back in bed. Really? Yeah. You were pretty heavily sedated and it still took four of us a tough time to get you to lay down. Wow. Yeah we nicknamed you Darth Bane. Wow.

I got some instructions about diet and drug (prescription) use. Do not operate lightsabers for 24 hours, rest and avoid making critical decisions or signing documents. I didn’t accidentally get married did I?

Surgery lasted 40 minutes and I was home by noon.

I felt pretty good for the rest of the day. Family came over and hung out. I saw The Lion King with the kids, got phone calls from friends, one person I wanted to come didn’t or rather couldn’t due to a cold.

The next day (Wednesday) I felt like I had been hit by a bus. My whole body hurt from hair follicle to toe nail. I still managed to go to a John Williams show that evening. Probably shouldn’t have gone. Oh well. A few other friends called. That was nice.

Thursday I woke up feeling much better. A little sore around the incisions which are four by the way. My belly button which has one incision itches really bad. I bled a little last night but nothing major. I’ve lost more blood popping a pimple. My boss called to find out if I was okay.

Anywho. I’m good. Thanks to all my young padawans and Jedi and Sith friends alike who called to wish me well.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I got gas

So, this morning I set out on the AT-AT to West LA to run some governmental business and I am now the proud owner of filed income tax returns. Why drive out to WLA to get them done you ask? Because there are people in this world that love me and will do it for me for free. Alas, that was not my only reason to drive or else I would have probably taken mass transit; I volunteered some time today to the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days and had agreed to deliver daffodils to sponsors and other important people. I know have the best smelling AT-AT in the Universe. I made it back to Hollywood just in time to attend my weekly CERT Training Course where I learned that using my Light Saber to cauterize wounds is somehow not the Jedi way.

After my course ended I hopped back in the AT-AT to head back to WLA to attend a seminar being given by Homeboy Industries. I noticed that my ride was low on plasma so I stopped by a Chevron to fill up. The only pump that was not being used was the farthest from the cashier which under normal circumstances would not be a problem since I have my trusty Bank of Jedi Master Tommy bank card. For some unearthly reason the stupid machine said my card didn't work and I had to walk to the cashier. They invented Pay-at-the-pump to make life more convenient and faster for those who have time management problems. I, did not want to inconvenience myself so I said, "Fuck you! My AT-AT runs on Midichlorians, bitch!" and I left.

In other transportation news, the East Hollywood Neighborhood Council has been busy these last few days making statements and setting precedents. First, last Thursday the NC released a video showing their vision on transit and planning at a Town Hall sponsored by the Hollywood Coalition of Neighborhood Councils, which was featured on Then, last night, the NC became the first in no doubt a long and distinguished list of groups, government agencies and other jedi councils to endorse the Cyclist Bill of Rights which was drafted by Jedi Master Box, Jedi Mistress Box and Jedi Master Will Campbell among others, cementing themselves as the NC of the 21st century, that those other NC's with GHP's should begin to look at for progressive ideas. Given the stubborn nature of those other boards, I wouldn't hold your breath. More info on the precedent setting NC here, here and here.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Water, Water everywhere...

and all the drops you can drink?

Not exactly what Samuel Taylor Coleridge had in mind but...

While Hollywood was shining at the 80th annual presentation of the Academy Awards, Los Angeles was receiving an award of its own. Los Angeles is the proud owner of the US's tastiest tap water. Say whu? Yes. Los Angeles has the tastiest tap water according to Berkley Springs International Water Tasting. We beat out 120 other tap waters competing for best tap.

My question now is this. Can we as Angelenos help save the environment by drinking more tap water and less bottled water?

Of course this is just the tastiest water not exactly the safest water to drink. Need I remind you of the Great Drain of 08? Or how about the Cromium in the Valley?

Now you can get cancer but at least the water is tasty!

Makes you wonder though.... if Dasani is filtered local tap water... does that mean that Los Angeles Dasani is superior in taste than say..... San Francisco Dasani? In my opinion.... Hell Yes! Its baseball season folks, sorry about that digression but I'm just starting to get warmed up on hating the Giants.

Go Blue.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Pancakes for Charity

IHOP restaurants nationwide are holding their 3rd Annual National Pancake Day fundraising event. Go into any IHOP location and receive a FREE short stack of pancakes from 7am to 10pm on Tuesday, February 12th. In exchange for the free pancakes, they are asking you to make a
donation in the donation box by the cash register. All money raised supports the local Younglings Miracle Network hospital. In the LA region, all of the money goes to help make miracles happen at Younglings Hospital Los Angeles.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Its over!


Former Disney CEO and current CNBC show host Michael Eisner, appeared on CNBC's Fast Money telling host Dylan Ratigan that the Writers Guild of America strike "is over."

"It's over. They made the deal, they shook hands on the deal. It's going, on Saturday, to the writers. A deal has been made. They'll be back to work very soon," Eisner predicted. "I know it's over."

"One thing that is great is, talent will win out. Talented writers will get new deals," Eisner said. "But for the short term it was a mistake."

After Eisner's appearance on CNBC, shares of Disney jumped 1% and shares of CBS Corp. jumped about 2% in after-hours trading.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Street Closures and political yuppies

Avoid Hollywood Blvd tomorrow (Thursday) at all costs my young padawans. In fact, if you dont like traffic, avoid Hollywood all together. As many of you know and many of you dont, Thursday evening there will be a Democtratic debate at the Kodak Theater which I will most likely be in attendance to prevent anybody going down RFK style.

I refuse to express who my choice for president is and I refuse to place a bumper sticker on my AT-AT since those things are tough to peal off and I dont want to look like some people still driving around with "Dukakis in 88" stickers still stuck to their vans. But I can tell you that I will vote and encourage all eligible voters to brave the weather and brave the lines and vote.

Because of the security preparations for this event, I have been
advised that Hollywood Boulevard will be closed from Highland to
Orange, with a soft closure to LaBrea, from 9 a.m. to midnite on
Thursday, January 31. I am advised that Orange will be closed, also,
from Hollywood to Franklin.

Plan your travel day well and if you have to go down there and chant with all the other political yuppies, for yodas sake please take the metro!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Your favorite DJ's, favorite DJ's

DJ's StoneRokk and Graham Funke have created a downloadable cd for your home entertainment. Now you don't have to go stand in line to catch the spinning and mixing skills of these two talented DJ's.

StoneRokk can be found spinnin' and sometimes strippin' at Crimson on Tuesdays, Les Deux on Wednesdays and S Bar on Sundays. All right here in Hollywood.

Graham Funke who is always flying around mixin it up all over the country can next be found in Hollywood at Hollywood & Highland Saturday February 9th along side StoneRokk.

Now if only they could mix in a little Max Rebo Band.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Coruscant Central Park.... err I mean Hollywood Central Park

As many of you know I am a HUGE advocate of green space in LA and especially Hollywood in particular East Hollywood. Tomorrow morning the people behind the 101 Fwy Central Park which proposes to put a cap over the 101 freeway will be holding a community meeting at Selma Elementary to discuss the progress and possible future of the unprecedented 34 acres of green space to be created on top of the 101. Yes I said in top of the 101. Crazy you say? Not really. Its been done before as close as La Canada over the 210 but who gives a womprat about those places in the SGV anyways? These guys do.

This is your opportunity to do something and make a difference in your community and stop bitching about crime, lack of parks, how shitty LA is etc etc etc. I'm tired of hearing transplants talk about how great their hometown is. I'm sure many of you have your doubts and have many questions but don't knock it until you hear the explanations and answers. Some people think the park is a bad thing and blah blah blah blah blah and I only have one thing to say to those people.
To be honest, these people sound like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons when they start talking about fence height ordinances and variances and other bantha fodder like that. Dude, you people are old and you wont even be alive when the thing is finished, let us younger folks plan the future of this city. Besides, nobody really likes Grand Moff Tarkin and his cronies anyways.

This is the future of Hollywood and Los Angeles as a whole my young padawans. Hope to see you all there.

For more info on this meeting visit this link.


You call this a winter storm? Some people seem to be. I've gotten more wet opening a can of soda than this so called winter storm. Obviously you people have never been to Kamino.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Last night I went out in my AT-AT in search of an upgrade on my R2 unit. My current one had a bad motivator and had been giving me some problems lately. I stopped by a toshi station and looked around, worked with a few of the units and decided I didnt need to upgrade my r2 unit.... I needed a protocol droid. After some bargaining and a few jedi mind tricks I walked away from the toshi station with a brand spankin new protocol droid. Dodger Blue naturally.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Hillary Dead!

Thats Sir Edmund Hillary, not that anybody really cares now. I just wanted to post a title that caught your attention. If anything it gives my readers a chance to read up on a pretty cool guy.

Kiwi anyone?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Goodbye Johnny

Hollywood's Honorary Mayor Johnny Grant has passed onto the netherworld of the force last night. Last night I had a late dinner with The Turd Burglar at 25 degrees which is located at the Roosevelt Hotel when I noticed many cameras and news vans reporting. I was not aware of such a sad moment going on upstairs in Johnny Grants suite.

Having met Johnny on several occasions at distinct functions which commemorated senior volunteers in Hollywood, Star unveiling's, and Chamber of Commerce meetings, I can say he was delightful man who until recently always remembered my name and who I was. He would say "Jedi, the streets are safer with you in them." Jedi Master Garcetti was quoted saying "Johnny Grant was Hollywood's greatest star," he brought Hollywood the industry and Hollywood the neighborhood together. He was at the center of the story of Hollywood"

He will be missed.

Oh btw, my burger was nectareous.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Bart Simpson said it best...

"I didn't do it"

Last night during all the rain and wind, a palm tree fell just down the street from the Jedi Temple. I know what you are all thinking, and no, this was not me going into another fit of Force Rage. In fact last night the Force was drained out of me slowly to the point of utter uselessness until I walked home this afternoon and saw this. The palm tree narrowly missed a land speeder that belongs to who I like to call, the Evil Sith Lord of my street. I tried as much as I could but the Force having been drained away by a lovely seductress last night limited my power. So I just called 3-1-1 and let them take care of it. A couple of the locals had already begun to remove the branches of the palm. Probably the most excitement they've seen all year.

Friday, January 4, 2008

In a fit of Force Rage....

I did this! Don't bother asking what enraged me so much that I would do this to a poor street light on the corner of Santa Monica and Madison in front of the Cahuenga Branch Library in East Hollywood, just know that if you anger this Jedi, then you must pay the consequences.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Padawan defends mother

An 11-year old boy defended his mother with his light saber as she was being beaten by a 30-year old man.

In my defense...

as a Jedi I was helping the crew with the "clean-up on aisle Highland" (highland?). Somebody beat me to the post. Rest assured it will be clean by rush hour and the oncoming storm. Regardless, Northbound traffic on Highland should take Odin Street around the mess and onto the 101 via Cahuenga.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

This makes the Baby Luke cry.

Lemme start off by saying Happy New Year to all my padawans. I enjoyed a night around a warm hearth with some of my closest friends and jedi. Pictures soon.

The overabundance of silly cat websites like caturday, lolcat and icanhascheezburger where people photoshop pictures of cats with really bad grammar has hit a brand new low. Somebody has taken the good book and translated it into stupid cat speak.

This reminds me of the last time somebody tried to speak like an idiot and created a search engine for people who speak funny. Okay so its more of a website translator but you get what I mean.

May the Force be with most of you.