Friday, December 28, 2007

... and he recycles too!

Jedi Master Box of cycling fame in this blog was published in the LA Times yesterday doing what he does best... advocating cycling! He'll be happy to know that I semi-ditched the land speeder for my very own speeder-bike. I am no longer as much of a polluter as I once was. Thank you Jedi Master Box for being such a strong voice in Hollywood. He even tells us where to recycle our old Christmas trees and how to get eco-friendly shit from it too like a fluorescent light bulb, free mulch and a tree!!!

Photographer Dies

Robert Marshutz who was famous for taking pictures of Hollywood heavyweights during the 50's and 60's has past away at his home from pancreatic cancer. Many of his famous prints were made into posters, most notably those of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. He was 78.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Post Xmas shopping

Everybody has those few people you have to buy a Christmas present for but never really know when you will see them or maybe you have a family member that lives out of town and you wont see them for a while. Okay fine... how about a January birthday or..... the hell with this I'm just stalling. What is the worst present you've ever gotten from somebody? I would have to say, hand soap from some damn secret Santa jedi gift exchange. Quite frankly it sucks. Everybody is picky about soap. How it smells, how dry your hands get, anti-bacterial etc etc etc. Well I decided, I was going to give all those people that have ever gotten me a shitty present over the years some ex girlfriends included some hand soap! But this isn't any old regular 99 cent store brand that dissolves into powder after two uses. This really is hand soap. Not only will it creep the shit out of whoever opens the package but they will forever remember you for giving them hand soap. Now the coolest present you can ever give anybody. Purchase here. They are great to leave in your bathroom during house parties.

*orders are backed up until February so plan accordingly my young padawans.

6000 in Hollywood still without electricity

Last nights gusts that reached 60 mph and dropped temperatures into the low 40's caused many residents in Los Angeles and especially residents of Hollywood, North Hollywood, Hollywood Hills, Echo Park, Los Feliz, Sylmar and Granada Hills to lose power.

Considerable damage was caused at the the Jedi Temple by debris from nearby palm trees being tossed around like an ewok by a Storm Trooper in the Battle of Endor. Even my bamboo reed fence will never be the same after being ripped out in several places.

Fortunately, forecasters say the winds will die down this afternoon leaving us to wonder how much trash was left and how much money the City saved by not having to trim our palm trees. Yoda knows they could always create some organic mulch with it later.

I've checked...

and the midi-chlorians had absolutely nothing to do with this one!

Seriously though... eww.

The Militant Angeleno broke this story earlier today, Stu Nahan passed into the netherworld of the force today. So sad.

The Los Angeles Garrison of the Storm Troopers are searching for the killer of a 15 year old padawan. Nobody should have to die on Christmas Eve, especially a teenager.

May the Force be with most of you.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Hollywood Christmas, and Cholo Claus

The 5th annual Hollywood Youth and Family Center Toy Giveaway was earlier today. With a line going out of the centers driveway and down the street onto Clinton Ave, Jedi Master Wynn of the HYFC was worried there might not be enough toys to last. He hoped for a miracle and he got one. Somehow the toys lasted just long enough for all children to receive a free toy.

Toys ranged from Snoopy books to Monopoly sets and helmets and knee pads. After receiving their gift, families were encouraged to take a picture with Cholo Claus pictured above. (notice the tattoos)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

In other news...

The East Hollywood Neighborhood Council voted 13-1-1 to recommend that 5124 De Longpre Ave. be preserved as a Cultural Historical Monument in the upcoming PLUM Committee meeting at City Hall. This recommendation will no doubt make the decision of the Jedi Council easier to make in favor of preservation. Kudos to you all who supported this.

For those of you who are not aware, there has been some controversy regarding this address for some time as I wrote about here. Apparently, according to one member of the Neighborhood Council, "... all attempts to contact the owner of the property failed. I personally went to her house but was unsuccessful in making contact with her." Lauren Everett, who leads the preservation effort, said the owner is very non communicative and only corresponds through her attorney, who was also unavailable for comment.

More info on Charles Bukowski can be found at:

Metro Blogging

And I leave you with words of wisdom from Charles Bukowski's grave that he obviously learned from Jedi Master Yoda. "Don't Try" He was probably too drunk to finish the quote.

May the Force be with most of you.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

News Flash! Its effing cold outside!

OK , OK, so my jedi counterparts in Cleveland and Pittsburgh might say otherwise but for us Angelenos and So Cal kids, nippy just doesnt quite say it. Its cold enough that people have possibly began to die from the cold late night temperatures.

One homeless man was found dead near Downtown earlier this week
. I'm sure he would still be alive had he known that on Monday December 3rd, Eimago Inc in partnership with the Union Rescue Mission opened Winter Shelter Programs in West LA and Culver City for the cold Winter season totalling 310 beds which operate out of National Guard Armories. These are not walk-in shelters and do not want transients hanging around the parks and adjacent communities but rather prefer that the visiters meet the busses at designated locations

In addition, Eimago and the Union Rescue Mission will be operating 193 Winter Shelter beds/cots out of their main facility at 545 S. San Pedro Street in Downtown LA. Rumor had it that the Glendale Armory would be available but unfortunately it wont due to repairs being made. Fortunately, Burbank City Council voted 4-0 to open a 150 bed shelter there. Yay for warm hearted people.

Its a good bet that homeless people will not read this blog so I leave it up to all of you in the blogging community to spread this word out as far as you can to help these unfortunate people that would very likely freeze to death on our streets. Familiarize yourselves with the program and if you see a homeless person, let them know.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Saturday, December 1, 2007

"Anybody ever see a pod race?"

So last night I ventured out of Hollywood with Danica Talos to run an errand in Bel Air before the debauchery at a friends birfday celebration. As we were on our way back, heading Eastbound on Sunset when all of a sudden Danica loses control of her land speeder and begins to fishtail on the slick road eventually careening into opposing traffic and supposedly hitting some Toyota Corolla heading Westbound the momentum carried sideways towards a retaining wall which helped us make our eventual final stop.

Now, I said supposedly hit a Toyota Corolla because neither Danica nor I can recall feeling or hearing an impact. Nevertheless, the Corolla had substantial damage to its rear which could only be caused by another land speeder. His bumper was eventually found half a mile away. (did we really slide that far?)

Airbags were deployed, Danica went into a mild state of shock while I had a midi-chlorian rush getting me to make important life saving decisions in difficult situations. "No holes, no cuts, no missing limbs, okay, everybody is going to live. Lets divert oncoming traffic so they don't finish us off."

Had I been driving my superior Jedi skills would have helped us to avoid the accident but... shoulda coulda woulda. Everybody has 20/20 vision in hindsight. Actually, given the road conditions and the state of the land speeders pneumatics this accident was probably unavoidable. Aside from a sore wrist, neck and back I should be fine and ready to get back to my post Monday morning. Danica also suffered a mild wrist sprain and some soreness. Other than that we are both doing well. As for the land speeder, she will never see the road again after suffering too much damage.

May the Force be with you all.

Friday, November 30, 2007


Just thought you should all know that the guy who claims I was stalking him a while back has reactivated comments on his blog. I just left him one. Here he is just in case you wanna check him out again. Do so at your own risk of falling asleep. I wonder if he shits himself when he sees I've commented again.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Historic Monument. Now its your turn, Jedi Council.

Today in what was a chaotic scene in Room 1010 at City Hall, the Los Angeles Cultural Heritage Commission voted 3-1 to recommend 5124 De Longpre Ave in East Hollywood a Historical Monument.

Controversy has surrounded this address for some time as it was once the home of beat writer Charles Bukowski. Bukowski achieved notoriety late in his career, around the time he moved into the bungalow on 5124 De Longpre Ave which was also the titles of one of his poems "5124 De Longpre Ave/ somewhere between / alcoholism and / madness.” Recently, the owners of the property who are Jewish, planned to demolish the structure and claim that the home has no historical value and should not be recognized as such because Charles Bukowski had Nazi leanings and was of low moral character.


I'm sorry but even Jedi Master Mace Windu was a bad mutha fucka.

Metro Blogging Los Angeles declared him one of the 25 greatest dead Angelenos.

I truly hope that City Council approves declaring this bungalow a Historical Monument.

Besides that, Charles Bukowski, has been one of my favorite writers and most influential in my work (not as a jedi).

Monday, November 26, 2007


Have you ever asked yourself...'what would the big JC do?' I haven't... seeing as I'm a jedi and all, I always wonder what Yoda would do, but anyways, some people decided to start an interesting series interviewing A-list actors for an internet video project. This whole thing is a sort of fight the man kind of thing that SAG actors are doing in support of the current WGA strike. I find the whole concept pretty silly but some people find it fascinating. So.... since all the other bloggers decided to write a strike blog entry, here is mine. Peer pressure is the Dark Side.

# 3 in the "Speechless" series is Sean Penn. So I guess the burning question is 'What would Sean Penn do?'

Anybody know how to read lips?

Heres the rest of them. Enjoy

May the Force be with most of you.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thanks, but no thanks.

How cheesey is it when everybody starts being thankful for everything. "I'm thankful for the air we breathe every morning." Pulease! Gag me with a light saber why dont you? So in the holiday spirit, I will give you a list of things I am not thankful for.

In no particular order.

The Jedi Order for refusing to send along reinforcements making me deal with the problems in this town by myself making me jaded.

Some scum bucket who hit my land speeder in the Ralphs Docking Bay on Hollywood and Western then ran away.

The creepy guy I have to look at once a month (minimum) who reminds me of either the Unibomber or a Priest. (havent decided yet)

My Gizmo lost his head.

My maternal unit who despite my asking numerous times to stop, continues to water the lawn at noon.

Darth Dragonfly who began drinking and driving and poking smot again.

That poor guy I had to kick in the nuts.

Okay seriously though. I really am thankful that I have lots of alcohol and plan on drinking it all before the year is over.

Stay Safe Everybody and May the Force be with All of You. Even that creepy guy.... oh and that other creepy guy who thinks I'm stalking him.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

What a bust.

Last night I attended a free legal clinic in support of a good friend of mine who takes care of me when I get in some legal problems with Storm Troopers. None to report. Jedi Mind Trick still works like a charm.

Anywho, this free legal clinic was put on by the same guy who put on the Taste of Little Armenia Festival a few months ago in Hollywood and since this new event was also being held in Hollywood I thought, twice the reason to go. Unfortunatly not many people attended this free clinic as it was poorly advertised. The man in charge admitedly said he had hoped for higher numbers and didnt know how to do better outreach. Our mutual friend immediatly suggested he speak to me since I have a special knowledge of that community.

TWICE! I repeat. TWICE! The shithead blew me off. First he walked away and began speaking with somebody else, and then at the behest of our friend he listened and then changed the subject after I made a simple suggestion of taking the "Pro Bono" out of his advertising and call it FREE. I may be wrong but most laymen especially people of another culture who do not speak english or latin for that matter wont know what the hell they're talking about.

Here's a tip shithead, you want to work with the people and help people? Get off the high horse.

May the Force be with most of you.

Dont Get Busted!

You may or may not have noticed but Los Angeles is in a drought. Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time we had some of the wet stuff. Yesterday, Mayor Tony brought back the Drought Busters, an elite team of six Storm Trooper working on behalf of the DWP. These Storm Troopers can be easily spotted driving Toyota Pruises (how ironic). These Troopers will drive around Los Angeles warning citizens who do not conserve water. Hopefully educate some of these people too. While watching the news on Telemundo (recently a fan) I understood the Drought Busters will beging their work in South LA. Is it just me or should these new Storm Troopers be hitting up the Westside and more lucrative neighborhoods where I see sprinklers runnning all afternoon? I wish I had taken my R2 Unit with me today when I had to run some unspecified errands at the Glendale Civic Center but I saw the sprinklers runnning outside Griffith Park on Riverside and Los Feliz. Shouldn't those have been off at 1pm? Thats just me.

May the Force be with most of you.


Barry Bonds who for years has been under special investigation by jedi and former jedi alike has finally been indicted today on perjury and obstruction of justice which if found guilty, Barroids could be looking at up to 35 years in prison. As a Dodgers Fan this comes as wonderful news but I take it with a grain of salt. This should have happened four years ago before he broke Hammerin' Hanks all time Home Run Record. Even before he broke the single season home run record of 70 set by another well known Bay Area juicer, Mark McGwire.

Recently Barry Bonds gave an interview discussing what was going to be done with his home run record breaking baseball saying "If that ball goes to the Hall of Fame with an asterisk, I wont go to the Hall of Fame. I will boycott the Hall of Fame." Well Barry, looks like the Hall of Fame is gonna boycott your juicin ass.

You heard it here first!

For more info read Game of Shadows.

May the Force be with most of you.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Fall Haiku

Autumn has arrived
Manure you pour on front lawn
'hood now smell shitty

May the Force be with most of you.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cyclist vs Jedi

I'm a cyclist advocate despite not biking much. I'm friends with Jedi Master Box & Jedi Mistress Box who bike everywhere they go, the Militant Angeleno and Will Campbell who do a lot of biking, heck, the Jedi Temple is around the corner from the Bicycle Kitchen and Orange 20 Bikes and I can be found quite often on Hel-Mel having gelato at Scoops or coffee at College Cafe. I respect the bikers right to the street and do what I can when I can to fight the injustice's against bikers, BUT, when a biker plows into my pedestrian (pedestrian?) ass while I'm on the sidewalk I have to ask... WTF mate?

I'm walking to my land speeder this afternoon on the sidewalk when I reach the street corner, a cyclist takes a high speed turn into me while on the sidewalk. He wasnt riding on the street but on the sidewalk going against the flow of traffic so even if he was on the street he would have been riding on the wrong side, he had no helmet and just plain wasnt even paying attention.

Despite getting nailed by both bike and biker I felt my Jedi reflexes helped me to avoid major injury so I immediatly went to attend to the biker who face planted into a public payphone. He got up clutching his head shouting at me.

"WTF man!? Why dont you watch what your doing!"

*cue scratched record*

"Excuse me sir but I was walking on the sidewalk. You plowed into me. You should not be on the sidewalk but rather on the street according to C.V.C. 21202. Now, I'm okay, I just want to make sure you are fine. "

"Fuck you man! My bike is all fucked up because of you . You need to pay to fix it!" (did I mention he looked like a gang banger?)

At this point of course my calm Jedi demeanor now slightly enraged by the Dark Side in me offered to take him to the Bicycle Kitchen where they could help him fix his bike. He refused and went off on another profanity laced tirade to which I responded with a swift kick in the nuts and walked to my land speeder.

This one idiot biker will not deter my support of bikers but hopefully will show bikers that there are some idiots out there that dont make the cause you are fighting for any easier.

May the Force be with most of you.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

WTF wookie?

Lights Out LA came and went and I turned the lights out in the Jedi Temple, did you? Apparently The Observatory lights are necessary. Don't forget City Hall where they seemed to be having a party and.... didn't The Los Angeles Times say turning your lights out for an hour was a good idea?

May the Force be with most of you.

Lights Out!

Greetings from Nor Cal.

Don't forget my young padawans... Saturday night is Lights Out LA from 8-9pm. So help fight climate change with the flip of a switch. You can also start using energy efficient light bulbs like the one pictured. Here are a few more tips on how to save energy.

May the Force be with you all.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Pod Racing flashback

I was driving my land speeder back to the Jedi Temple tonight from a secret mission in Burbank and decided to get off on Highland (Hyeland?) and take that down to a major East / West street and head home. At some point between the Hollywood Bowl and Franklin Ave. Department of Transportation closed off 3 lanes on Highland forcing me to make a right hand turn onto Franklin. Now... normally thats not a big problem but if you have ever driven down that street.... late at night.... you dont go the speed limit, in fact you flat out race your way down the hill. When you see a lane closure like that you tend to get a gradual closing off by having cones force you into the next lane. Whatever dwarfnut set up those cones tonight, closed off three lanes in about 50 feet. Okay... three lanes in 50 feet... I can do that... no problem. Three lanes in 50 feet going 55mph.... I can do that... a bit scary but okay. Now.... three lanes in 50 feet doing 55mph alongside 10 other cars also going 55mph trying to make the same adjustments you are.... FAWKING CRAZY! I'm sure I knocked over at least one cone and must have come centimeters from hitting other land speeders and micrometers from banging mirrors with another.

Good thing I have Jedi reflexes.

Be careful out there my young padawans.

May the Force be with most of you.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Force is not with this guy pt. 2

So a week later and I'm still being talked about by that scruffy nerf-herder Russell Smith. He even talks about me in one of his boring ass videos.


That is all.

May the Force be with most of you.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The NoI

Improv comedy is a misunderstood art. Many people I know love to laugh, love comedy but for some reason are afraid of improv. They seem interested in going to a comedy show but as soon as they find out that it is improv comedy, they shy away and renege on going. They fear being ridiculed or put on the spot when that could not be any farther from the truth. Improv is one of the most difficult forms of comedy in which the only audience interaction is a simple suggestion for the actors to work with. Oh and to laugh as the hilarity ensues as the troupe begins to play.

One such group is Nation of Improv. An all black improv troupe, they call themselves "The funniest collection of black people since 'Good Times' got canceled." I must agree.

Last week, Nation of Improv began a five week run at The Asylum Theater in Hollywood, playing every Saturday night at 10pm. Nation of improv will no doubt make you laugh till it hurts leaving you gasping for air, wiping tears from your face and clutching your side. I strongly recommend seeing them during this run in Hollywood.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Red 6 standing by.

A group of people with enough knowledge of chemicals and explosives to make even Timothy McVeigh say "whoa" decided they wanted to create their own fully functional X-Wing. The 21 foot long X-Wing with moving wings and a built in R2-D2 is fueled by 4 solid fuel rocket engines has a wingspan of 19 feet and is big enough to fit a child in. They didnt quite figure out how to land the fighter so they installed parachutes to help it land gently back on Earth.

The team decided to launch it a few days ago in Plaster City, which is well known for launching random fodder into the sky. The launch went well and for a while had me saying, "Stay on target! Stay on target!" until out of nowhere.... well..... I'll just let you see for yourselves.

May the Force be with most of you.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Force is not with this guy.

So apparently I'm a stalker now.

There is this guy who writes two Hollywood blogs and to be quite frank they are extremely boring. Both are on blogspot except one seems to have morphed into a video log of what he sees from his window that he calls A View From My Window (cheap knock off of viewfromaloft). This man is obviously not Force sensitive because his posts all seem to bore me to sleep with his monotone voice and uninteresting rants about cranes. I've left him a few comments because I felt bad for the guy seeing as he posts everyday and nobody ever leaves him comments and he's in Hollywood so perhaps I was showing signs of weakness by being nice to the guy. Anywho... I finally got tired of listening to his pathetic rants and told him how I felt. Now he's calling me a stalker!

All I did was call him a sack of bantha fodder!

Thank you Russell whoever the hell you are, I will always be able to read your blog when I have trouble sleeping. It is guaranteed to knock me the fuck out.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Yes, East Hollywood is real.

I've been hearing from a lot of different people lately that they don't believe East Hollywood is real.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! Is it true that East Hollywood is not a real neighborhood?"

No my young padawan. East Hollywood was certified as an official neighborhood council on April 19th, 2007.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People keep trying to ignore what East Hollywood stands for. "

No my young padawan. East Hollywood will always be the most diverse community in Los Angeles.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi!" People are calling East Hollywood "a bunch of secessionists! Is that true?"

No my young padawan. If East Hollywood was trying to secede like those jerks in the Valley then why would City Council President, Jedi Master Garcetti officially recognize the neighborhood in public and even assign a field deputy to East Hollywood?

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People think East Hollywood is a joke!"

Do not listen to them my young padawan. They obviously don't believe in its rich history, cultures, diversity and all inclusive openness to people from all over the world.

"Thank you Master Jedi!"

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Bikers want district

If you read my blog enough you know I support cyclists and just about anything they want as far as rights and places to lock up bikes in public places issues with Storm Troopers and so on. The Militant Padawan tipped me off to a blog where bikers want to create a bicycle district inside of East Hollywood. Now, at first I thought "What a great idea! This would bring more attention to an otherwise attentionless community." After taking a closer look, these guys have no idea what they are talking about. To form a "Bicycle District" would be unprecedented but if and when it ever comes to fruition it needs to be done in an area that serves more bikers, has more bicycle lanes and has more bicycle related shopping.

Two bike shops in less than one square block does not warrant an entire bicycle district, hell it doesnt warrant a bicycle corridor or a bicycle alley. I do agree that the Hel-Mel (Heliotrope and Melrose) corner is a fascinating area located in East Hollywood with awesome places like Scoops Gelato, Pure Luck Restaurant, Fake Art Gallery, Sacred Fools Theater, Mondo Video a Go Go and other small shops that needs to be exposed to the rest of the city. So with that in mind...

Padawan Will Campbell who is well known as a biker, suggested making that bustling street corner a square. Bikers Square. That would help make the bikers happy, probably keep Orange 20 Bikes and The Bicycle Kitchen from ever moving away, and bring more art, culture and fine dining to the surrounding areas. A district however is far too big to make any kind of an affect on the economy or population of that area.

Supporters of this proposed Bicycle District one in particular who by his own admittance has "been putting useless crap on the internet since 1994" seem to not have any clue as to the history, ethnic or economic background, current workings of or community leaders of this great community. Hell they don't even know that they are in East Hollywood.

Advice from a Jedi. Do a little research before you post something that millions of people can read. People like this are the reason we have people living in ignorance... because they report ignorantly.

May the Force be with most of you.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Saturday night after having some land speeder trouble I made my way down to the Italian Feast of San Gennaro in Hollywood with good friend the Silent Android on the Metro. After making a small pit stop at the Hollywood and Western stop we ran into old friend and champion of biker speeder rights Jedi Master Box of all people. We informed him of our destination and proceeded to make our way towards the festival.

Once we arrived there we encountered a maze of smells leading us in many different directions. We had to chose what kind of Italian food we wanted to stand in line for. Pizza, cannoli's, espressos, calzones, gelato, sausage and meatballs, Italian ice, mozzarella cheese etc etc etc seemed to be everywhere. The lines seemed to be everywhere too. The shortest lines were for some cannolis made by Storm Troopers and Rocos Pizza. You know... the guys that set up shop in Vitos old place in East Hollywood.... yeah those guys. Vito's line was twice as long if not more. You rock Vito!

Anywho, I digress. We had those cannolis which weren't great but weren't bad they just were. The Italian Ice was awesome. The gelato was not chalky like it is at some gelato shop in Silver Lake, in fact it was pretty good.

We listened to Italian music, ate some Italian food, learned some Italian history in LA and we ran into a Roller Derby Skater Fighter acquaintance of mine. Los Angeles truly is an amazing city.

Cannoli Place

Cheesy decorations look like X-mas

They were selling lightsabers to non Force Sensitive people! I stopped them.

May the Force be with most of you.
"Don't forget the cannoli."

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I have succumbed...

to the Dark Side. I bought Crocs. This doesn't make me a total hipster does it? I was just getting tired of those damn jedi boots.
Feet are happy now.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Storm Troopers are at it again

I ask you. What is wrong with this picture?

This time they were not serving a search warrant, they were hand cuffing Jedi Master Box and his wife.(wife? thats not the Jedi way!) Anyways, Jedi Master Box was attacked by a local bus driver the other night and Storm Troopers (as usual) got a contorted view of the events and hand cuffed the innocent victim then proceeded to hand cuff his wife for telling them they were cuffing the wrong person.

*note to self. Never tell Storm Troopers how to do their job.

I'm beginning to get the feeling that Storm Troopers are just another street gang only they have badges that give them the authority to be assholes and shoot people.

Apparently cyclist's are road hazards now.

*not to self. Find that bus driver and ask her is she enjoys running over cyclists.

We still have a long way to go to make the streets of Hollywood and Los Angeles safe for everybody.

May the force be with most of you.
except stupid bus drivers.

Friday, September 21, 2007

wait... Dick is Lukes father now?

In a funny story that I could hardly stop laughing at, Presidential hopeful Hilary Rodham Clinton called Vice President Dick Cheney, Darth Vader.

Now, by no stretch of the imagination would it be difficult to assume that Senator Clinton believes that Tricky Dick is skilled in the Dark Side of the Force to which I assume she considers herself on the Light Side of the Force. I can assure you my young padawans, she is no Jedi.

Truth is Darth Vader really wasn't as strong with the Force as everybody thought.

May the Force be with most of you.

Monday, September 17, 2007

George! You are my father!

On October 3rd at the Arclight Cinema on Sunset, George Lucas will be presenting his space opera to a few lucky people as part of AFI's 40th Anniversary.

AFI will be presenting 11 classic movies each introduced by a member of the cast or its director. Needless to say The Hollywood Jedi will be there to meet his maker and watch the Death Star get blown up by a bunch of fuckin' teenagers.

May the Force be with most of you.

Swashbuckling Jedi Day!

Its that time of year again when people start acting like pirates again. Yes folks, swashbucklers converge on Studio City Tattoo celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day. Buccaneers, pirates and swashbucklers from all over Southern California, San Francisco and even Oregon will gather in Studio City Wednesday, Sept. 19, to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

They'll convene from noon to midnight at Studio City Tattoo “Ye Olde Tattoo Shoppe," 11032 Ventura Blvd. The event is free and open to the public.

Talk Like a Pirate Day is celebrated by millions of people throughout the United States and around the world on all seven continents – even at the South Pole! It's a day when – just like the name says – people are encouraged to swash their buckles and talk like a pirate.

This is the third year Ye Olde Tattoo Shoppe has hosted a Talk Like a Pirate Day celebration, and each year the event gets bigger. This year's event includes live music by Captain Kula’s Pirate Band, pirate lightsaber fights, fire breathing, and an appearance by the founders of the holiday themselves – John "Chumbucket" Baur and Mark "Cap’n Slappy" Summers, from Albany,OR.

Baur and Summers are two friends who started Talk Like as Pirate Day as a joke, then, as they say, "took the idea way too far." Since their idea first came to the world's attention in 2002 they've had a book published, have performed in Las Vegas, San Francisco, Seattle and New Orleans, their Web site – – has taken tens of millions of hits, and they've appeared (with Baur's wife, Mad Sally) on ABC's "Wife Swap." They will be signing copies of their book, "Pirattitude!" during the event.

yaarggghh May the Force be with most of ye. Yarrghh!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

New park then the ball park

On Saturday I felt good enough to venture out in my land speeder for some business and pleasure. First off I was informed by the Militant Padawan about the grand opening of a new park in Historic Filipinotown. Seeing as I am clearly not interested at all in park space I couldn't miss the opportunity to mingle with city officials to bring more parks to Hollywood.

After speaking with Los Angeles Jedi Council President, Jedi Master Garcetti and a couple of his padawans about a proposed project to bring a Recreation Center to East Hollywood, I approached Tsilah Burman who is the Executive Director of the Los Angeles Neighborhood Land Trust about bringing about working together to bring a park to this part of town too . Just the people who can help me and my personal Jedi agenda. Seeing as I am in good standing with all these people and they seem to have a soft spot for Hollywood they agreed to help in any way they could and even mentioned my dedication to the cause as an inspiration. Yay for me.

This new park is nestled in one of the richest cultural areas in the city and in front of the largest Filipino Mural in the country. The ceremony was short and sweet by the above mentioned city officials including Mark Mariscal, the Superintendent of the Dept. of Recreation and Parks and a friend of the Hollywood Jedi, in order to get the children out of the hot sun and into the brand spankin new jungle gym where the kids could sweat some more and dehydrate themselves into a heat stroke. No worries, water was available.

Here is a video of the ribbon cutting.

Soon after the ribbon cutting I jumped back in my land speeder and headed back to my Jedi Temple and to eat some ethnic food and rehydrate before heading out to the Ravine with some non Force Sensitive friends to catch the boys in blue put a wookiee sized ass whoopin on the Snakes from Arizona.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Larry Lucy Live

The Los Angeles Jedi Council voted to rename the block around the CNN building in Hollywood, "Larry King Square".

Also, the Los Angeles Jedi Council voted that the the corner of Plymouth and Melrose in Hollywood would be renamed "I love Lucy Square".

I wonder when will we get Tie Fighter square in Thai Town?

I think its time for dinner at Lucys El Adobe Cafe.

May the Force be with most of you.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

OMG Explosion!

The Hollywood Jedi has been painfully sick all week and has rarely left the Jedi Temple aside from a side trip with the Militant Padawan to Vitos and to meet up with Jedi Master Box for some Jedi Council bussiness. At the conclusion of all these minor events I would return to the Jedi Temple and try and regain my strength. So as to not keep you all out of the loop as to what has been going on in Hollywood I read up on other bloggers info and came up with this piece you should all read.

Hope everybody is doing well and wish me a speedy recovery. If you are wondering whats wrong with me, I seem to be having problems with those pictured right.

May the Force be with most of you.

Monday, September 10, 2007

You don't need to see my search warrant,

In an ongoing story, Jedi Master Box who has brought us the story of the Beverly Hills Storm Trooper incident has taken a turn for the..... distasteful.

Friday afternoon the Beverly Hills Storm Troopers served LAist with a search warrant after last weeks article.

quote from LAist:
"The warrant states that the police are to search the author's information and any relevant IP associations (even though the author was with the police on Thursday morning) and all IP addresses with date/time stamps for all comments posted before and after the the warrant was served. The police suspect there may be a correlation in IP addresses from LAist's comments and the e-mail address the threat was made with."

The Hollywood Jedi will not stand for this injustice and will forever give them and the city of Beverly Hills as much shit as I can possibly give them whether its with my keyboard, my bike, my car, my light saber. (fyi that cannot be constituted as a terrorist threat you fucking pigs so don't come serve my ass with a warrant either). And no pulling me over cos I'm brown again either!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Fire Meanie Strikes Back!

Saturday morning I was doing a bit of work over by Plummer Park In West Hollywood when I noticed a plume of smoke. Naturally I headed over to see what the situation was. Not a second after I began walking there I heard sirens and then more sirens and then even more sirens. Geez, this must be a big one I said. Let me see if I can offer some jedi assistance.

As soon as I arrived I saw smoke and flames coming from a two story apartment building. I noticed an elderly couple who were in need of some medical assistance and flagged a fireman over who helped the elderly gentleman who seemed to have been passed out. After the fire department put out the fire the elderly gentleman seemed to loose control and began fighting with local Storm Troopers.

Five storm troopers and the elderly violentman were taken to a hospital for smoke inhalation.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Cyclists vs BHPD & Motorists

In a story first brought to us by Jedi Master Box in where a motorist attacked a bicyclist in Beverly Hills with his SUV, it appears that Jedi Master Box and his army of speeder bikers once again helped make a difference it making our streets safer for cyclists and pedestrians (pedestrian?) alike. In a planned protest against the Beverly Hills Storm Troopers who cited the cyclist and not the motorist in a ludacris act of ignorance and plain stupidity, the Midnight Ridazz stormed the commission demanding equal rights for peds and cyclist alike.

After all was said and done justice is on its way with the commission declaring it will make an effort to fix such problems that they being a small city with big city problems have. Of course it wouldn't be a trip into the 90210 which oh by the way is the most dangerous city to be a pedestrian in and judging by some of the women I see driving their SUV's on Santa Monica Blvd I can totally see why, without another attack on a cyclist only this time "Road Rage Guy" was apprehended.

Score one for the good guys!

Friday, September 7, 2007

Jena Six

I received a distress call from a colleague of mine down in Louisiana who asked me to look into this case and give him my thoughts on how to approach the situation and what he could do to mediate the problem and and help ease the racial tension. Seeing as I currently live in the most diversely populated city on the planet, I gave him my thoughts which will remain private due to the delicate content involved. I also agreed to help spread the awareness of the situation whether it was pro or con to the Jena Six. So I ask you to do a bit of research yourselves and if you find it a worthy cause help spread the word and the awareness. I will not try to sway you in either direction but this situation deserves more attention nation and world wide.

Since I know none of you will do any research on it I will provide you with a list of links.

Democracy Now
Petition Online
You Tube
I am not ashamed
Color of Change

X-Wing Flying

I've been wasting my day away flying paper X-Wings.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Jedi Training Grounds

So in my previous post I mentioned the lack of park space in Hollywood not to mention the lack of parking space.

Well a few devoted people will make parking a bit more difficult in LA for a day in order to help the higher cause. What is the higher cause you ask? Parks of course, you silly nerf-herders! On September 21st devoted Angelenos will take over metered parking spaces in Los Angeles and create mini parks on them (while feeding the meter naturally) in order to open a dialogue with City officials about the lack of green space in the city. This is an amazing idea and The Hollywood Jedi will not try to influence you with his Jedi mind trick but as many of you out there as possible should do the same. If you need more information check out Park(ing) Day LA.

While I'm on the topic of lack of park space, I should mention that the city has been making an effort of late remedy this problem. For example, in January of this year the Los Angeles City Council approved $100,000 in funding for a park feasibility study to create an unprecedented 24 acres of new green space all in one location. Where you ask? Good question. I have answers. The project is called the "Hollywood Freeway Central Park" which will build a deck on top of the 101 Freeway from Bronson Avenue to Wilton Place in Hollywood. Yes folks you read right.... a deck... on top. This is a great idea that will use those much discussed Quimby funds and will give Hollywood its very own lung giving its residents and business owners fresh air as opposed to the poison our padawans are currently breathing. They might as well suck the tail pipe of my land speeder.

Another project currently in the works and many of you will probably say "huh? what?" The LA River Project. This is a non profit group dedicated to the conservation of the river and making its a fun place to visit and enjoy a day at rather than that cement canyon snaking its way through LA County. Check it out its good stuff.

All these new projects should receive extra funding from huge companies in Los Angeles like The CIM Group who likes to create more density and traffic and not give these people they will eventually house a decent park to take a walk in. Think about that wealthy contractors of LA!

The city needs more places like this for us to go to.

May the Force be with most of you.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Chinese Theater Sold!

The iconic theater was sold today to the CIM Group of Los Angeles by Damon Runyon Cancer Research Center of New York and Barlow Respiratory Hospital of Los Angeles (who made Darth Vaders iron lung) for an undisclosed and no doubt huge amount of Republic Credits.

The CIM Group, Hollywoods largest commercial land lord, who also owns the Hollywood and Highland (hye-land?) complex located right next door to Graumans, has said they have no plans to change the Chinese Theater, and Mann who holds a long time lease on the theater still plan to use the theater to show movies.

Other properties owned by CIM are the Renaissance Hotel, Mann Chinese 6 Theatre multiplex and the Galaxy building . CIM is planning on converting the Sunset and Vine Tower into 59 Luxury apartments and 7000 sq ft. of retail space (pictured). To which I ask where are the fucking parks!? (Shameless plug) I wonder.... If the city of Los Angeles is allowing all these new apartment structures and condos do go up while obviously taking the Quimby funds and not putting them to any good use, why not have the city propose to some of these major developing firms to purchase a chunk of land in the city and donate it making it a tax deduction so that the city can use those Quimby funds to build a recreation center and not stand around with a thumb up their ass!?

But... I digress... and this will be picked up soon in another blog entry. Back to the Chinese Theater.

No doubt ground zero for Los Angeles' and Hollywoods tourist population the theater has tons of history. Built in 1923 by Sid Grauman it holds over 1100 seats. It is home to the famous hand and foot prints in cement which by the way will always have Darth Vader, C3PO and R2D2 prints in cement.

Lately the Chinese has seen some very interesting random moments, for example Shrek fighting with Busta Rhymes, and some random wookie sexually assaulting Marliyn Monroe! To be honest none of that bantha fodder really surprises me. Except for the wookie thing. They don't ever go for humans, in fact they stick to their own species. Personally I think Marilyn is full of shit.

May the Force be with most of you.

Oh yeah... The LA Ice Cream Party today was pretty cool too.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

The New Beverly Cinema

Tonight I was joined again by Darth Dragonfly who suggested we patrol West of La Brea. I knowthat is not Hollywood anymore and is considered Mid City West. Where do they come up with these names? Seeing as I'm (as far as I know) the only Jedi in L.A, I feel it my responsibility to extend my boundaries as I see fit.

Before leaving for Mid City West, were-energized ourselves at a local Mexican eatery. After eating we went for desert at a local gelato shop owned by Viceroy Tai Kim of the Trade Federation. Viceroy Tai Kim had promised to help with a donation to The Great LA Ice Cream Party which I am an official Ice Cream Ambassador to. His donation will serve the Opportunity Drawing which everyone is automatically entered in just for attending. So if you like free Ice Cream and aren't going to Universal Studios this Monday, this is the event to be at.

I saw it fit to work around the New Beverly Cinema for a while. Nothing like keeping Orthodox Jews safe as they walk home from Shabbat. It just so happened that the New Beverly Cinema had a double feature by world renowned Chilean director Alexandro Jodorowsky. We decided to do some patrolling inside while El Topo and The Holy Mountain were shown. Nothing happened during the film aside from a couple kids laughing at blood, guts and gore and an elderly couple walked out after spending 30 minutes inside a really bad acid trip consisting of Jesus, tits and a future war against those vile and evil Peruvians. Peruv(ian)?

Heading back to the Jedi Temple, I noticed my speeder was emitting odd amounts of poison and toxic fumes from the rear end so we stopped to get it checked out at the Smog Cutter.

Upon entering the seediest cantina in the galaxy, which smelled like dry octopus, beer, piss and vomit we ordered our drinks, listened to some bad karaoke, (apparently it was Huey Lewis night) watched some bad pool players, and we were approached by a woman who was very friendly and enjoyed talking to us. We had conversations ranging from Huey Lewis, dry octopus to architecture and her regularity in that cantina which she was sure was in "South Silverlake".

Okay... First of all its spelled Silver Lake, thats two words, second of all, there is no South Silver Lake, and last but not least, Smog Cutter is in East Hollywood! I forgave her since she was an Outer Rim transplant.

May the Force be with most of you.

Friday, August 31, 2007

End of an Institution II

The Old Spaghetti Factory on Sunset Blvd between Bronson Ave and Gordon Street has closed its doors forever.

Word is they'll be tearing the place down later this year to begin building condos, probably with retail stores on the ground floor. I don't understand this new trend in Los Angeles of erecting condominium complexes in commercial areas but I guess some people like living over a Walgreen's in a heavy traffic area.

I feel fortunate enough to say that I had dinner here a few times and quite recently with a long time friend Jedi Master Fox. Not to be confused with Jedi Master Box and his army of speeder bikers.

Although I cant say I was crazy about the place, I can say that a piece of history and many memories will soon be demolished.

May the Force be with most of you.

End of an Institution

In 1993, Universal Studios Hollywood unveiled its first ever high (hye?) tech thrill ride. Sadly, this Labor Day weekend will be the last time Doc and Marty take fans on an adventure through time in that famous DeLorean.

Back to the Future the ride
will be shut down forever to make room for Universals new The Simpsons Ride scheduled to open in the Spring of 2008. The new ride will reportedly take fans on a thrill ride through Krusty Land.

If you get a chance this Labor Day weekend and have never experienced the Back to the Future ride, take a day trip and catch a ride in time before its gone. You wont regret it.

May the Force be with most of you.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Jabba plays for the Evil Empire?

Shouldn't surprise me really.

Okay, Okay, so its not really Jabba the Hutt, in fact thats not even how you spell the kids name but as I was doing some reconnaissance work scouting out the Evil Empire I heard them say "Jabba" and I got concerned. I thought Princess Leia had slain the evil Hutt back on Tattooine during the Showdown at the Pit of Carkoon. After further investigation, I learned the terrible truth. Joba (pronounced Jabba) Chamberlain is a rookie relief pitcher for the Evil Empire. He looks like a slimmed down version of the gangster hutt and would not surprise me if this was the offspring of Jaba himself. This kid is 6'2" weighs a hefty 230 and throws about 100mph. In his limited time in the majors he has not allowed a run and has struck out 14 in 8 innings! Sick. Just plain sick. Kid has a future ahead of him. But my main concern is...

Who the fuck names their kid after a giant slug!?

May the Force be with most of you.