Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cyclist vs Jedi

I'm a cyclist advocate despite not biking much. I'm friends with Jedi Master Box & Jedi Mistress Box who bike everywhere they go, the Militant Angeleno and Will Campbell who do a lot of biking, heck, the Jedi Temple is around the corner from the Bicycle Kitchen and Orange 20 Bikes and I can be found quite often on Hel-Mel having gelato at Scoops or coffee at College Cafe. I respect the bikers right to the street and do what I can when I can to fight the injustice's against bikers, BUT, when a biker plows into my pedestrian (pedestrian?) ass while I'm on the sidewalk I have to ask... WTF mate?

I'm walking to my land speeder this afternoon on the sidewalk when I reach the street corner, a cyclist takes a high speed turn into me while on the sidewalk. He wasnt riding on the street but on the sidewalk going against the flow of traffic so even if he was on the street he would have been riding on the wrong side, he had no helmet and just plain wasnt even paying attention.

Despite getting nailed by both bike and biker I felt my Jedi reflexes helped me to avoid major injury so I immediatly went to attend to the biker who face planted into a public payphone. He got up clutching his head shouting at me.

"WTF man!? Why dont you watch what your doing!"

*cue scratched record*

"Excuse me sir but I was walking on the sidewalk. You plowed into me. You should not be on the sidewalk but rather on the street according to C.V.C. 21202. Now, I'm okay, I just want to make sure you are fine. "

"Fuck you man! My bike is all fucked up because of you . You need to pay to fix it!" (did I mention he looked like a gang banger?)

At this point of course my calm Jedi demeanor now slightly enraged by the Dark Side in me offered to take him to the Bicycle Kitchen where they could help him fix his bike. He refused and went off on another profanity laced tirade to which I responded with a swift kick in the nuts and walked to my land speeder.

This one idiot biker will not deter my support of bikers but hopefully will show bikers that there are some idiots out there that dont make the cause you are fighting for any easier.

May the Force be with most of you.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

WTF wookie?

Lights Out LA came and went and I turned the lights out in the Jedi Temple, did you? Apparently The Observatory lights are necessary. Don't forget City Hall where they seemed to be having a party and.... didn't The Los Angeles Times say turning your lights out for an hour was a good idea?

May the Force be with most of you.

Lights Out!

Greetings from Nor Cal.

Don't forget my young padawans... Saturday night is Lights Out LA from 8-9pm. So help fight climate change with the flip of a switch. You can also start using energy efficient light bulbs like the one pictured. Here are a few more tips on how to save energy.

May the Force be with you all.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Pod Racing flashback

I was driving my land speeder back to the Jedi Temple tonight from a secret mission in Burbank and decided to get off on Highland (Hyeland?) and take that down to a major East / West street and head home. At some point between the Hollywood Bowl and Franklin Ave. Department of Transportation closed off 3 lanes on Highland forcing me to make a right hand turn onto Franklin. Now... normally thats not a big problem but if you have ever driven down that street.... late at night.... you dont go the speed limit, in fact you flat out race your way down the hill. When you see a lane closure like that you tend to get a gradual closing off by having cones force you into the next lane. Whatever dwarfnut set up those cones tonight, closed off three lanes in about 50 feet. Okay... three lanes in 50 feet... I can do that... no problem. Three lanes in 50 feet going 55mph.... I can do that... a bit scary but okay. Now.... three lanes in 50 feet doing 55mph alongside 10 other cars also going 55mph trying to make the same adjustments you are.... FAWKING CRAZY! I'm sure I knocked over at least one cone and must have come centimeters from hitting other land speeders and micrometers from banging mirrors with another.

Good thing I have Jedi reflexes.

Be careful out there my young padawans.

May the Force be with most of you.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Force is not with this guy pt. 2

So a week later and I'm still being talked about by that scruffy nerf-herder Russell Smith. He even talks about me in one of his boring ass videos.


That is all.

May the Force be with most of you.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The NoI

Improv comedy is a misunderstood art. Many people I know love to laugh, love comedy but for some reason are afraid of improv. They seem interested in going to a comedy show but as soon as they find out that it is improv comedy, they shy away and renege on going. They fear being ridiculed or put on the spot when that could not be any farther from the truth. Improv is one of the most difficult forms of comedy in which the only audience interaction is a simple suggestion for the actors to work with. Oh and to laugh as the hilarity ensues as the troupe begins to play.

One such group is Nation of Improv. An all black improv troupe, they call themselves "The funniest collection of black people since 'Good Times' got canceled." I must agree.

Last week, Nation of Improv began a five week run at The Asylum Theater in Hollywood, playing every Saturday night at 10pm. Nation of improv will no doubt make you laugh till it hurts leaving you gasping for air, wiping tears from your face and clutching your side. I strongly recommend seeing them during this run in Hollywood.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Red 6 standing by.

A group of people with enough knowledge of chemicals and explosives to make even Timothy McVeigh say "whoa" decided they wanted to create their own fully functional X-Wing. The 21 foot long X-Wing with moving wings and a built in R2-D2 is fueled by 4 solid fuel rocket engines has a wingspan of 19 feet and is big enough to fit a child in. They didnt quite figure out how to land the fighter so they installed parachutes to help it land gently back on Earth.

The team decided to launch it a few days ago in Plaster City, which is well known for launching random fodder into the sky. The launch went well and for a while had me saying, "Stay on target! Stay on target!" until out of nowhere.... well..... I'll just let you see for yourselves.

May the Force be with most of you.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Force is not with this guy.

So apparently I'm a stalker now.

There is this guy who writes two Hollywood blogs and to be quite frank they are extremely boring. Both are on blogspot except one seems to have morphed into a video log of what he sees from his window that he calls A View From My Window (cheap knock off of viewfromaloft). This man is obviously not Force sensitive because his posts all seem to bore me to sleep with his monotone voice and uninteresting rants about cranes. I've left him a few comments because I felt bad for the guy seeing as he posts everyday and nobody ever leaves him comments and he's in Hollywood so perhaps I was showing signs of weakness by being nice to the guy. Anywho... I finally got tired of listening to his pathetic rants and told him how I felt. Now he's calling me a stalker!

All I did was call him a sack of bantha fodder!

Thank you Russell whoever the hell you are, I will always be able to read your blog when I have trouble sleeping. It is guaranteed to knock me the fuck out.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Yes, East Hollywood is real.

I've been hearing from a lot of different people lately that they don't believe East Hollywood is real.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! Is it true that East Hollywood is not a real neighborhood?"

No my young padawan. East Hollywood was certified as an official neighborhood council on April 19th, 2007.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People keep trying to ignore what East Hollywood stands for. "

No my young padawan. East Hollywood will always be the most diverse community in Los Angeles.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi!" People are calling East Hollywood "a bunch of secessionists! Is that true?"

No my young padawan. If East Hollywood was trying to secede like those jerks in the Valley then why would City Council President, Jedi Master Garcetti officially recognize the neighborhood in public and even assign a field deputy to East Hollywood?

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People think East Hollywood is a joke!"

Do not listen to them my young padawan. They obviously don't believe in its rich history, cultures, diversity and all inclusive openness to people from all over the world.

"Thank you Master Jedi!"

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Bikers want district

If you read my blog enough you know I support cyclists and just about anything they want as far as rights and places to lock up bikes in public places issues with Storm Troopers and so on. The Militant Padawan tipped me off to a blog where bikers want to create a bicycle district inside of East Hollywood. Now, at first I thought "What a great idea! This would bring more attention to an otherwise attentionless community." After taking a closer look, these guys have no idea what they are talking about. To form a "Bicycle District" would be unprecedented but if and when it ever comes to fruition it needs to be done in an area that serves more bikers, has more bicycle lanes and has more bicycle related shopping.

Two bike shops in less than one square block does not warrant an entire bicycle district, hell it doesnt warrant a bicycle corridor or a bicycle alley. I do agree that the Hel-Mel (Heliotrope and Melrose) corner is a fascinating area located in East Hollywood with awesome places like Scoops Gelato, Pure Luck Restaurant, Fake Art Gallery, Sacred Fools Theater, Mondo Video a Go Go and other small shops that needs to be exposed to the rest of the city. So with that in mind...

Padawan Will Campbell who is well known as a biker, suggested making that bustling street corner a square. Bikers Square. That would help make the bikers happy, probably keep Orange 20 Bikes and The Bicycle Kitchen from ever moving away, and bring more art, culture and fine dining to the surrounding areas. A district however is far too big to make any kind of an affect on the economy or population of that area.

Supporters of this proposed Bicycle District one in particular who by his own admittance has "been putting useless crap on the internet since 1994" seem to not have any clue as to the history, ethnic or economic background, current workings of or community leaders of this great community. Hell they don't even know that they are in East Hollywood.

Advice from a Jedi. Do a little research before you post something that millions of people can read. People like this are the reason we have people living in ignorance... because they report ignorantly.

May the Force be with most of you.