Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cyclist vs Jedi

I'm a cyclist advocate despite not biking much. I'm friends with Jedi Master Box & Jedi Mistress Box who bike everywhere they go, the Militant Angeleno and Will Campbell who do a lot of biking, heck, the Jedi Temple is around the corner from the Bicycle Kitchen and Orange 20 Bikes and I can be found quite often on Hel-Mel having gelato at Scoops or coffee at College Cafe. I respect the bikers right to the street and do what I can when I can to fight the injustice's against bikers, BUT, when a biker plows into my pedestrian (pedestrian?) ass while I'm on the sidewalk I have to ask... WTF mate?

I'm walking to my land speeder this afternoon on the sidewalk when I reach the street corner, a cyclist takes a high speed turn into me while on the sidewalk. He wasnt riding on the street but on the sidewalk going against the flow of traffic so even if he was on the street he would have been riding on the wrong side, he had no helmet and just plain wasnt even paying attention.

Despite getting nailed by both bike and biker I felt my Jedi reflexes helped me to avoid major injury so I immediatly went to attend to the biker who face planted into a public payphone. He got up clutching his head shouting at me.

"WTF man!? Why dont you watch what your doing!"

*cue scratched record*

"Excuse me sir but I was walking on the sidewalk. You plowed into me. You should not be on the sidewalk but rather on the street according to C.V.C. 21202. Now, I'm okay, I just want to make sure you are fine. "

"Fuck you man! My bike is all fucked up because of you . You need to pay to fix it!" (did I mention he looked like a gang banger?)

At this point of course my calm Jedi demeanor now slightly enraged by the Dark Side in me offered to take him to the Bicycle Kitchen where they could help him fix his bike. He refused and went off on another profanity laced tirade to which I responded with a swift kick in the nuts and walked to my land speeder.

This one idiot biker will not deter my support of bikers but hopefully will show bikers that there are some idiots out there that dont make the cause you are fighting for any easier.

May the Force be with most of you.


Militant Angeleno said...

Kicked In The Nuts!

Enci said...

Our streets and our sidewalks would be much safer for pedestrians and cyclists if swift Jedi nut-kicks were dispensed when appropriate.

Thanks for making Hollywood a safer place to walk :-)

Anonymous said...

you kicked him in the nuts? and left him to die?

i hear jabba could use one like you...

SoapBoxLA said...

I have two rules:

1) Bikes on the Streets!

2) Never kick a man in the nuts while wearing crocs!

Silent Android said...



The Hollywood Jedi said...

Militant: That first guy that got kicked owes $100.

Enci: Its unfortunate that I'm the only Jedi stationed in Hollywood. I've asked the Jedi Order for reinforcements but all I got was a crappy manual on how to communicate with other Jedi that have become one with the Force.

Anonynous: He offered me a job but I declined. I cant stand that damn Salacious Crumb.

soapboxla: Too bad I wasn't wearing steel toes. This would have never happened had there been a beer kiosk on that corner!

silent android: That makes me sad. Nuts guy retired.

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