Thursday, December 4, 2008

Bizaro Barney Box Cutter Bafoon

A woman with a box cutter..... no not a Box cutter was apprehended in Hollywood yesterday as she threatened to slit the the bus drivers throat if she did not drive her to her location. Barney the Dinosaur who was working the strip for tips helped Storm Troopers find the culprit. No word yet if LA Bus Girl is the woman blamed for the threat.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Hollywood Winterfest & Santa Parade Street Closures

All you people complaining about lack of parking in Hollywood, welcome to your worst nightmare.

"Jedi don't have nightmares."

My question is, how many of you all that complain about parking also complain about the possibility of losing this parade forever? Hollywood doesn't need more parking, it needs less cars. Hollywood doesn't need less people aka density, it needs less drivers.

Anywho, I digress.

Tow-Away No Stopping, Saturday 6 PM (11/29/08) to Monday 6 AM (12/1/08)

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Orange Dr
Orange Dr between Hollywood Blvd & Hawthorn Ave
Hollywood Blvd between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Hawthorn Ave between La Brea Ave & Mc Cadden Pl
Lanewood Ave between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Sunset Blvd between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
De Longpre Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
Fountain Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
El Cerrito Pl between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Sycamore Ave between Franklin Ave & Hawthorn Ave
Sycamore Ave between Sunset Blvd & Fountain Ave
Orange Dr between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Orange Dr between Hawthorn Ave & Santa Monica Blvd
Mansfield Ave between De Longpre Ave & Fountain Ave
McCadden Pl between Yucca St & Hawthorn Ave
Las Palmas Ave between Hollywood Blvd & Selma Ave

Tow-Away No Stopping, Sunday (11/30/08) 11AM to Midnight:

Hollywood Blvd between Cherokee Ave & Vine St
Vine St between Hollywood Blvd & Sunset Blvd
Sunset Blvd between Vine St & Highland Ave
Franklin Ave between La Brea Ave & Highland Ave
Santa Monica Blvd between La Brea Ave & Gower St
Highland Ave between Franklin Ave & Sunset Blvd
La Brea Ave between Franklin Ave & Fountain Ave East side of street only
Cahuenga Blvd between Yucca St & Hollywood Blvd West side of street only

Tow-Away No Stopping, Any Time Sunday:

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Cherokee Ave
Yucca St between Gower St & Argyle St North side of street only
La Brea Ave between Sunset Blvd & De Longpre Ave West side of street only
Vine St between Fountain Ave & Lexington Ave West side of street only
Alta Vista Blvd between Fountain Ave & 100’ northerly
Sunset Blvd between Vermont Ave & New Hampshire Ave North side of street only

Freeway Closures: Hollywood Freeway, HWY 101:

Northbound and Southbound off-ramps of Cahuenga Blvd. and Highland Ave. will all be closed at 3:00 p.m., reopening at 10:00 p.m.

No Parking Postings:

On Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2008, posting will begin on those streets that are designated “NO PARKING” for Saturday, Nov. 29, Sunday, Nov 30 and Monday, Dec. 1, 2008.

When Sandcrawlers Collide

At around 9am a Sandcrawler traveling Northbound on Virgil Ave was struck by another Sandcrawler traveling Westbound at high speed and having run a red light at Santa Monica Blvd in East Hollywood. The impact left shattered glass all over the intersection. Nine Storm Trooper squads were called to the scene including ambulances and fire trucks. Virgil Ave remained closed for about an hour while crews cleaned the wreckage.

No doubt the nine Storm Trooper squads were called in to verify if the Sandcrawlers had any stolen droids. No word yet if any Jawas perished in the tradgedy. One Jawa is however being held os suspision of wreckless driving.

Turns out the collision was caused because one of the Sandcrawlers was involved in a high speed chase beginning in South Los Angeles and ended in East Hollywood.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bike Parking or Fort Knox?

A little over a year ago I was introduced to Jedi Master Box. I'd never met somebody like him... actually... I still have yet to meet somebody like him. Anywho.... a few months later I ran into him at Barnsdall Art Park in East Hollywood when he said "Dude. Where'd you park your bike?" I was embarrassed to say I drove but managed to Jedi Mind Trick him and convince him that I didn't bike up Olive Hill because there was no proper bike parking. Which was the purpose of the conversation anyways. Months went by and I continued to dive up to Barnsdall for whatever reason I needed to go up there. On one of my most recent visits I made an astonishing observation. I ACTUALLY found bike parking. After carefully monitoring the situation I realized how ridiculous and pathetic the single rack was. Not only as you can see is it a single U-Lock but it seems to be surrounded by 6 posts to keep your bike safe. Awww..... how considerate.

Does this single bike parking make a difference? No
Does this single bike parking need to be protected like Fort Knox? Yes

Really? Yes. Because this single bike parking is directly in front of two handicapped spaces. I envision some geriatric driver who see's these yellow posts and mistakes them for a yellow light and then they floor it to make the light but eventually hit the posts that were meant to stop them but since the city probably did a half ass job of installing them they will no doubt succumb to the 1967 Ford Fairlane with the 427 Big Block and only 65,000 miles on it leaving your classic schwinn looking like some of the "Street Art" on Vermont and great grandma claims it was already like that before she got there.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

It wasn't me

Security Guards at the Scientology Celebrity Centre shot and killed a man wielding a lightsaber earlier today. The man who has now become one with the Force was obviously not a Jedi since a Jedi would have had no problem deflecting the blaster shot. No word yet if the victim was challenging Tom Cruise to the title of Last Samurai.

Thanks to all those concerned people out there who contacted me immediatly after learning of this tradgedy to know of my well being.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

John Williams is the Man

Forgive the long absence but I think I've been spreading myself a little too thin recently but recent developments will allow me to focus some time on other important things like blogging. For those of you who know me personally look out for a real blog with my name on it coming soon... hopefully in January.

As for this.... enjoy.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Falcon

A week after my AT-AT was brought down by a drunk snow speeder pilot I purchased a new transport. Its taken me this long to let you all know because it has taken time for me to get it ready to show you. Unfortunately this is all you get to see. Any guesses what it is?

Don't honk at me because I WILL shoot you with my uncivilized blaster.