When Sandcrawlers Collide

At around 9am a Sandcrawler traveling Northbound on Virgil Ave was struck by another Sandcrawler traveling Westbound at high speed and having run a red light at Santa Monica Blvd in East Hollywood. The impact left shattered glass all over the intersection. Nine Storm Trooper squads were called to the scene including ambulances and fire trucks. Virgil Ave remained closed for about an hour while crews cleaned the wreckage.

No doubt the nine Storm Trooper squads were called in to verify if the Sandcrawlers had any stolen droids. No word yet if any Jawas perished in the tradgedy. One Jawa is however being held os suspision of wreckless driving.

Update:
Turns out the collision was caused because one of the Sandcrawlers was involved in a high speed chase beginning in South Los Angeles and ended in East Hollywood.

Bike Parking or Fort Knox?

A little over a year ago I was introduced to Jedi Master Box. I'd never met somebody like him... actually... I still have yet to meet somebody like him. Anywho.... a few months later I ran into him at Barnsdall Art Park in East Hollywood when he said "Dude. Where'd you park your bike?" I was embarrassed to say I drove but managed to Jedi Mind Trick him and convince him that I didn't bike up Olive Hill because there was no proper bike parking. Which was the purpose of the conversation anyways. Months went by and I continued to dive up to Barnsdall for whatever reason I needed to go up there. On one of my most recent visits I made an astonishing observation. I ACTUALLY found bike parking. After carefully monitoring the situation I realized how ridiculous and pathetic the single rack was. Not only as you can see is it a single U-Lock but it seems to be surrounded by 6 posts to keep your bike safe. Awww..... how considerate.

Does this single bike parking make a difference? No
Does this single bike parking need to be protected like Fort Knox? Yes

Really? Yes. Because this single bike parking is directly in front of two handicapped spaces. I envision some geriatric driver who see's these yellow posts and mistakes them for a yellow light and then they floor it to make the light but eventually hit the posts that were meant to stop them but since the city probably did a half ass job of installing them they will no doubt succumb to the 1967 Ford Fairlane with the 427 Big Block and only 65,000 miles on it leaving your classic schwinn looking like some of the "Street Art" on Vermont and great grandma claims it was already like that before she got there.

Beware the Sarlacc!

Lat night while attending the Silver Lake Neighborhood Councils monthly board meeting I came accross this gem after the fighting and bickering stopped over some pesky bylaws matter. Silver Lake also became the second Neighborhood Council to support the Bicyclists Bill of Rights.

During post Bill of Rights celebrations one of the cyclists nearly fell into the Great Pit of Carkoon only to notice the sign after a rescue attempt was successful. Moments later the Sarlacc crawled back into its depression awaiting its next unsuspecting victim.

Garcetti Quietly tries to turn Hollywood into Coruscant

One of the beauties of living in Hollywood has been being able to wake up every day and look at the Hollywood Sign. A few years ago my view of the Hollywood Sign was obstructed by an eyesore of a development project that doesn't even service this community. It was then that I decided I needed to take a more active role in my community and as a Jedi I have convinced a few week minded fools to allow me to establish myself in this great community. Of course it was too late for me to get my view of the Hollywood Sign back but it remains a touchy subject.

For example, the current location of the Guatelinda Night Club is currently in the works to have the whole block from Edgemont to Kenmore be developed into a 16-story Hotel and a 12 story Condo Complex with a few town homes and some retail space. This is a HUGE project that will no doubt block the spectacular view of the Hollywood Sign from Barnsdall Art Park, when the land was originally given to the City of LA, no structure East of Edgemont between the park and the street was supposed to be higher than 50 feet. Granted this project will be west of Edgemont but thats a huge size differential. The East Hollywood Neighborhood Council's Planning and Beautification Committee will be entertaining this developer at their next meeting May 5th at 7pm at the Hollywood Youth and Family Center, located at 607 N. Vermont Ave.

Another example, and this one floored me at first, was brought to my attention by the Militant Angeleno who knows my hatred of Hollywood Sign blocking development. It turns out that the squeaky clean Council President Garcetti has had his hand buried in some bantha fodder lately according to this article in LA Weekly. I'm not completely convinced. I think the author of the article is a bit of a GHP. Columbia Square, which is located at 6121 Sunset Blvd will soon be home to a 40-story skyscraper and a 14-story office building that will no doubt block somebody's view of the Hollywood Sign. I'm going to let you people make up your own mind on that.

I've always been of the opinion that Hollywood has lost its luster over the years despite it being the Center of Attention for so long. Projects like these and the W are bringing Hollywood back into the forefront of LA.

This project is within walking distance of a Metro Station. It will be within walking distance of the proposed Hollywood Central Park which I am a huge fan of. With gas prices already at $4 a gallon and i guarantee will reach $5 by the summer of 2009 people WILL be using the mass transit available to them. People WILL be biking more than driving and people WILL be taking the bus more. People WILL walk to the park. People WILL walk to their local shops.

Maybe with all this walking and biking Hollywood and even LA will begin to have a more community feel to it. Eyes on the streets. Neighbors actually knowing each other. Sidewalks will become conducive to socializing and lets face it people... the denser this area gets, the safer it gets. Its beginning to sound like Manhattan. NY'ers will say YAY. Angelenos will say NAY. I say, Coruscant works fine.

I got gas

So, this morning I set out on the AT-AT to West LA to run some governmental business and I am now the proud owner of filed income tax returns. Why drive out to WLA to get them done you ask? Because there are people in this world that love me and will do it for me for free. Alas, that was not my only reason to drive or else I would have probably taken mass transit; I volunteered some time today to the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days and had agreed to deliver daffodils to sponsors and other important people. I know have the best smelling AT-AT in the Universe. I made it back to Hollywood just in time to attend my weekly CERT Training Course where I learned that using my Light Saber to cauterize wounds is somehow not the Jedi way.

After my course ended I hopped back in the AT-AT to head back to WLA to attend a seminar being given by Homeboy Industries. I noticed that my ride was low on plasma so I stopped by a Chevron to fill up. The only pump that was not being used was the farthest from the cashier which under normal circumstances would not be a problem since I have my trusty Bank of Jedi Master Tommy bank card. For some unearthly reason the stupid machine said my card didn't work and I had to walk to the cashier. They invented Pay-at-the-pump to make life more convenient and faster for those who have time management problems. I, did not want to inconvenience myself so I said, "Fuck you! My AT-AT runs on Midichlorians, bitch!" and I left.

In other transportation news, the East Hollywood Neighborhood Council has been busy these last few days making statements and setting precedents. First, last Thursday the NC released a video showing their vision on transit and planning at a Town Hall sponsored by the Hollywood Coalition of Neighborhood Councils, which was featured on LAist.com. Then, last night, the NC became the first in no doubt a long and distinguished list of groups, government agencies and other jedi councils to endorse the Cyclist Bill of Rights which was drafted by Jedi Master Box, Jedi Mistress Box and Jedi Master Will Campbell among others, cementing themselves as the NC of the 21st century, that those other NC's with GHP's should begin to look at for progressive ideas. Given the stubborn nature of those other boards, I wouldn't hold your breath. More info on the precedent setting NC here, here and here.

Historic Monument. Now its your turn, Jedi Council.

Today in what was a chaotic scene in Room 1010 at City Hall, the Los Angeles Cultural Heritage Commission voted 3-1 to recommend 5124 De Longpre Ave in East Hollywood a Historical Monument.

Controversy has surrounded this address for some time as it was once the home of beat writer Charles Bukowski. Bukowski achieved notoriety late in his career, around the time he moved into the bungalow on 5124 De Longpre Ave which was also the titles of one of his poems "5124 De Longpre Ave/ somewhere between / alcoholism and / madness.” Recently, the owners of the property who are Jewish, planned to demolish the structure and claim that the home has no historical value and should not be recognized as such because Charles Bukowski had Nazi leanings and was of low moral character.

WTF!?

I'm sorry but even Jedi Master Mace Windu was a bad mutha fucka.

Metro Blogging Los Angeles declared him one of the 25 greatest dead Angelenos.

I truly hope that City Council approves declaring this bungalow a Historical Monument.

Besides that, Charles Bukowski, has been one of my favorite writers and most influential in my work (not as a jedi).

Yes, East Hollywood is real.

I've been hearing from a lot of different people lately that they don't believe East Hollywood is real.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! Is it true that East Hollywood is not a real neighborhood?"

No my young padawan. East Hollywood was certified as an official neighborhood council on April 19th, 2007.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People keep trying to ignore what East Hollywood stands for. "

No my young padawan. East Hollywood will always be the most diverse community in Los Angeles.

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi!" People are calling East Hollywood "a bunch of secessionists! Is that true?"

No my young padawan. If East Hollywood was trying to secede like those jerks in the Valley then why would City Council President, Jedi Master Garcetti officially recognize the neighborhood in public and even assign a field deputy to East Hollywood?

"Master Jedi! Master Jedi! People think East Hollywood is a joke!"

Do not listen to them my young padawan. They obviously don't believe in its rich history, cultures, diversity and all inclusive openness to people from all over the world.

"Thank you Master Jedi!"

Bikers want district

If you read my blog enough you know I support cyclists and just about anything they want as far as rights and places to lock up bikes in public places issues with Storm Troopers and so on. The Militant Padawan tipped me off to a blog where bikers want to create a bicycle district inside of East Hollywood. Now, at first I thought "What a great idea! This would bring more attention to an otherwise attentionless community." After taking a closer look, these guys have no idea what they are talking about. To form a "Bicycle District" would be unprecedented but if and when it ever comes to fruition it needs to be done in an area that serves more bikers, has more bicycle lanes and has more bicycle related shopping.

Two bike shops in less than one square block does not warrant an entire bicycle district, hell it doesnt warrant a bicycle corridor or a bicycle alley. I do agree that the Hel-Mel (Heliotrope and Melrose) corner is a fascinating area located in East Hollywood with awesome places like Scoops Gelato, Pure Luck Restaurant, Fake Art Gallery, Sacred Fools Theater, Mondo Video a Go Go and other small shops that needs to be exposed to the rest of the city. So with that in mind...

Padawan Will Campbell who is well known as a biker, suggested making that bustling street corner a square. Bikers Square. That would help make the bikers happy, probably keep Orange 20 Bikes and The Bicycle Kitchen from ever moving away, and bring more art, culture and fine dining to the surrounding areas. A district however is far too big to make any kind of an affect on the economy or population of that area.

Supporters of this proposed Bicycle District one in particular who by his own admittance has "been putting useless crap on the internet since 1994" seem to not have any clue as to the history, ethnic or economic background, current workings of or community leaders of this great community. Hell they don't even know that they are in East Hollywood.

Advice from a Jedi. Do a little research before you post something that millions of people can read. People like this are the reason we have people living in ignorance... because they report ignorantly.

May the Force be with most of you.

The New Beverly Cinema

Tonight I was joined again by Darth Dragonfly who suggested we patrol West of La Brea. I knowthat is not Hollywood anymore and is considered Mid City West. Where do they come up with these names? Seeing as I'm (as far as I know) the only Jedi in L.A, I feel it my responsibility to extend my boundaries as I see fit.

Before leaving for Mid City West, were-energized ourselves at a local Mexican eatery. After eating we went for desert at a local gelato shop owned by Viceroy Tai Kim of the Trade Federation. Viceroy Tai Kim had promised to help with a donation to The Great LA Ice Cream Party which I am an official Ice Cream Ambassador to. His donation will serve the Opportunity Drawing which everyone is automatically entered in just for attending. So if you like free Ice Cream and aren't going to Universal Studios this Monday, this is the event to be at.

I saw it fit to work around the New Beverly Cinema for a while. Nothing like keeping Orthodox Jews safe as they walk home from Shabbat. It just so happened that the New Beverly Cinema had a double feature by world renowned Chilean director Alexandro Jodorowsky. We decided to do some patrolling inside while El Topo and The Holy Mountain were shown. Nothing happened during the film aside from a couple kids laughing at blood, guts and gore and an elderly couple walked out after spending 30 minutes inside a really bad acid trip consisting of Jesus, tits and a future war against those vile and evil Peruvians. Peruv(ian)?

Heading back to the Jedi Temple, I noticed my speeder was emitting odd amounts of poison and toxic fumes from the rear end so we stopped to get it checked out at the Smog Cutter.

Upon entering the seediest cantina in the galaxy, which smelled like dry octopus, beer, piss and vomit we ordered our drinks, listened to some bad karaoke, (apparently it was Huey Lewis night) watched some bad pool players, and we were approached by a woman who was very friendly and enjoyed talking to us. We had conversations ranging from Huey Lewis, dry octopus to architecture and her regularity in that cantina which she was sure was in "South Silverlake".

Okay... First of all its spelled Silver Lake, thats two words, second of all, there is no South Silver Lake, and last but not least, Smog Cutter is in East Hollywood! I forgave her since she was an Outer Rim transplant.

May the Force be with most of you.