Bizaro Barney Box Cutter Bafoon

A woman with a box cutter..... no not a Box cutter was apprehended in Hollywood yesterday as she threatened to slit the the bus drivers throat if she did not drive her to her location. Barney the Dinosaur who was working the strip for tips helped Storm Troopers find the culprit. No word yet if LA Bus Girl is the woman blamed for the threat.

Hollywood Winterfest & Santa Parade Street Closures

All you people complaining about lack of parking in Hollywood, welcome to your worst nightmare.

"Jedi don't have nightmares."

My question is, how many of you all that complain about parking also complain about the possibility of losing this parade forever? Hollywood doesn't need more parking, it needs less cars. Hollywood doesn't need less people aka density, it needs less drivers.

Anywho, I digress.

Tow-Away No Stopping, Saturday 6 PM (11/29/08) to Monday 6 AM (12/1/08)

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Orange Dr
Orange Dr between Hollywood Blvd & Hawthorn Ave
Hollywood Blvd between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Hawthorn Ave between La Brea Ave & Mc Cadden Pl
Lanewood Ave between La Brea Ave & Orange Dr
Sunset Blvd between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
De Longpre Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
Fountain Ave between Highland Ave & La Brea Ave
El Cerrito Pl between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Sycamore Ave between Franklin Ave & Hawthorn Ave
Sycamore Ave between Sunset Blvd & Fountain Ave
Orange Dr between Franklin Ave & Hollywood Blvd
Orange Dr between Hawthorn Ave & Santa Monica Blvd
Mansfield Ave between De Longpre Ave & Fountain Ave
McCadden Pl between Yucca St & Hawthorn Ave
Las Palmas Ave between Hollywood Blvd & Selma Ave

Tow-Away No Stopping, Sunday (11/30/08) 11AM to Midnight:

Hollywood Blvd between Cherokee Ave & Vine St
Vine St between Hollywood Blvd & Sunset Blvd
Sunset Blvd between Vine St & Highland Ave
Franklin Ave between La Brea Ave & Highland Ave
Santa Monica Blvd between La Brea Ave & Gower St
Highland Ave between Franklin Ave & Sunset Blvd
La Brea Ave between Franklin Ave & Fountain Ave East side of street only
Cahuenga Blvd between Yucca St & Hollywood Blvd West side of street only

Tow-Away No Stopping, Any Time Sunday:

Hollywood Blvd between Highland Ave & Cherokee Ave
Yucca St between Gower St & Argyle St North side of street only
La Brea Ave between Sunset Blvd & De Longpre Ave West side of street only
Vine St between Fountain Ave & Lexington Ave West side of street only
Alta Vista Blvd between Fountain Ave & 100’ northerly
Sunset Blvd between Vermont Ave & New Hampshire Ave North side of street only

Freeway Closures: Hollywood Freeway, HWY 101:

Northbound and Southbound off-ramps of Cahuenga Blvd. and Highland Ave. will all be closed at 3:00 p.m., reopening at 10:00 p.m.

No Parking Postings:

On Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2008, posting will begin on those streets that are designated “NO PARKING” for Saturday, Nov. 29, Sunday, Nov 30 and Monday, Dec. 1, 2008.

Garcetti Quietly tries to turn Hollywood into Coruscant

One of the beauties of living in Hollywood has been being able to wake up every day and look at the Hollywood Sign. A few years ago my view of the Hollywood Sign was obstructed by an eyesore of a development project that doesn't even service this community. It was then that I decided I needed to take a more active role in my community and as a Jedi I have convinced a few week minded fools to allow me to establish myself in this great community. Of course it was too late for me to get my view of the Hollywood Sign back but it remains a touchy subject.

For example, the current location of the Guatelinda Night Club is currently in the works to have the whole block from Edgemont to Kenmore be developed into a 16-story Hotel and a 12 story Condo Complex with a few town homes and some retail space. This is a HUGE project that will no doubt block the spectacular view of the Hollywood Sign from Barnsdall Art Park, when the land was originally given to the City of LA, no structure East of Edgemont between the park and the street was supposed to be higher than 50 feet. Granted this project will be west of Edgemont but thats a huge size differential. The East Hollywood Neighborhood Council's Planning and Beautification Committee will be entertaining this developer at their next meeting May 5th at 7pm at the Hollywood Youth and Family Center, located at 607 N. Vermont Ave.

Another example, and this one floored me at first, was brought to my attention by the Militant Angeleno who knows my hatred of Hollywood Sign blocking development. It turns out that the squeaky clean Council President Garcetti has had his hand buried in some bantha fodder lately according to this article in LA Weekly. I'm not completely convinced. I think the author of the article is a bit of a GHP. Columbia Square, which is located at 6121 Sunset Blvd will soon be home to a 40-story skyscraper and a 14-story office building that will no doubt block somebody's view of the Hollywood Sign. I'm going to let you people make up your own mind on that.

I've always been of the opinion that Hollywood has lost its luster over the years despite it being the Center of Attention for so long. Projects like these and the W are bringing Hollywood back into the forefront of LA.

This project is within walking distance of a Metro Station. It will be within walking distance of the proposed Hollywood Central Park which I am a huge fan of. With gas prices already at $4 a gallon and i guarantee will reach $5 by the summer of 2009 people WILL be using the mass transit available to them. People WILL be biking more than driving and people WILL be taking the bus more. People WILL walk to the park. People WILL walk to their local shops.

Maybe with all this walking and biking Hollywood and even LA will begin to have a more community feel to it. Eyes on the streets. Neighbors actually knowing each other. Sidewalks will become conducive to socializing and lets face it people... the denser this area gets, the safer it gets. Its beginning to sound like Manhattan. NY'ers will say YAY. Angelenos will say NAY. I say, Coruscant works fine.

Street Closures and political yuppies

Avoid Hollywood Blvd tomorrow (Thursday) at all costs my young padawans. In fact, if you dont like traffic, avoid Hollywood all together. As many of you know and many of you dont, Thursday evening there will be a Democtratic debate at the Kodak Theater which I will most likely be in attendance to prevent anybody going down RFK style.

I refuse to express who my choice for president is and I refuse to place a bumper sticker on my AT-AT since those things are tough to peal off and I dont want to look like some people still driving around with "Dukakis in 88" stickers still stuck to their vans. But I can tell you that I will vote and encourage all eligible voters to brave the weather and brave the lines and vote.

Because of the security preparations for this event, I have been
advised that Hollywood Boulevard will be closed from Highland to
Orange, with a soft closure to LaBrea, from 9 a.m. to midnite on
Thursday, January 31. I am advised that Orange will be closed, also,
from Hollywood to Franklin.

Plan your travel day well and if you have to go down there and chant with all the other political yuppies, for yodas sake please take the metro!

Your favorite DJ's, favorite DJ's

DJ's StoneRokk and Graham Funke have created a downloadable cd for your home entertainment. Now you don't have to go stand in line to catch the spinning and mixing skills of these two talented DJ's.

StoneRokk can be found spinnin' and sometimes strippin' at Crimson on Tuesdays, Les Deux on Wednesdays and S Bar on Sundays. All right here in Hollywood.

Graham Funke who is always flying around mixin it up all over the country can next be found in Hollywood at Hollywood & Highland Saturday February 9th along side StoneRokk.

Now if only they could mix in a little Max Rebo Band.

Goodbye Johnny

Hollywood's Honorary Mayor Johnny Grant has passed onto the netherworld of the force last night. Last night I had a late dinner with The Turd Burglar at 25 degrees which is located at the Roosevelt Hotel when I noticed many cameras and news vans reporting. I was not aware of such a sad moment going on upstairs in Johnny Grants suite.

Having met Johnny on several occasions at distinct functions which commemorated senior volunteers in Hollywood, Star unveiling's, and Chamber of Commerce meetings, I can say he was delightful man who until recently always remembered my name and who I was. He would say "Jedi, the streets are safer with you in them." Jedi Master Garcetti was quoted saying "Johnny Grant was Hollywood's greatest star," he brought Hollywood the industry and Hollywood the neighborhood together. He was at the center of the story of Hollywood"

He will be missed.

Oh btw, my burger was nectareous.

Hollywood Christmas, and Cholo Claus

The 5th annual Hollywood Youth and Family Center Toy Giveaway was earlier today. With a line going out of the centers driveway and down the street onto Clinton Ave, Jedi Master Wynn of the HYFC was worried there might not be enough toys to last. He hoped for a miracle and he got one. Somehow the toys lasted just long enough for all children to receive a free toy.

Toys ranged from Snoopy books to Monopoly sets and helmets and knee pads. After receiving their gift, families were encouraged to take a picture with Cholo Claus pictured above. (notice the tattoos)

The NoI

Improv comedy is a misunderstood art. Many people I know love to laugh, love comedy but for some reason are afraid of improv. They seem interested in going to a comedy show but as soon as they find out that it is improv comedy, they shy away and renege on going. They fear being ridiculed or put on the spot when that could not be any farther from the truth. Improv is one of the most difficult forms of comedy in which the only audience interaction is a simple suggestion for the actors to work with. Oh and to laugh as the hilarity ensues as the troupe begins to play.

One such group is Nation of Improv. An all black improv troupe, they call themselves "The funniest collection of black people since 'Good Times' got canceled." I must agree.

Last week, Nation of Improv began a five week run at The Asylum Theater in Hollywood, playing every Saturday night at 10pm. Nation of improv will no doubt make you laugh till it hurts leaving you gasping for air, wiping tears from your face and clutching your side. I strongly recommend seeing them during this run in Hollywood.

Fire Meanie Strikes Back!

Saturday morning I was doing a bit of work over by Plummer Park In West Hollywood when I noticed a plume of smoke. Naturally I headed over to see what the situation was. Not a second after I began walking there I heard sirens and then more sirens and then even more sirens. Geez, this must be a big one I said. Let me see if I can offer some jedi assistance.

As soon as I arrived I saw smoke and flames coming from a two story apartment building. I noticed an elderly couple who were in need of some medical assistance and flagged a fireman over who helped the elderly gentleman who seemed to have been passed out. After the fire department put out the fire the elderly gentleman seemed to loose control and began fighting with local Storm Troopers.

Five storm troopers and the elderly violentman were taken to a hospital for smoke inhalation.

Chinese Theater Sold!

The iconic theater was sold today to the CIM Group of Los Angeles by Damon Runyon Cancer Research Center of New York and Barlow Respiratory Hospital of Los Angeles (who made Darth Vaders iron lung) for an undisclosed and no doubt huge amount of Republic Credits.

The CIM Group, Hollywoods largest commercial land lord, who also owns the Hollywood and Highland (hye-land?) complex located right next door to Graumans, has said they have no plans to change the Chinese Theater, and Mann who holds a long time lease on the theater still plan to use the theater to show movies.

Other properties owned by CIM are the Renaissance Hotel, Mann Chinese 6 Theatre multiplex and the Galaxy building . CIM is planning on converting the Sunset and Vine Tower into 59 Luxury apartments and 7000 sq ft. of retail space (pictured). To which I ask where are the fucking parks!? (Shameless plug) I wonder.... If the city of Los Angeles is allowing all these new apartment structures and condos do go up while obviously taking the Quimby funds and not putting them to any good use, why not have the city propose to some of these major developing firms to purchase a chunk of land in the city and donate it making it a tax deduction so that the city can use those Quimby funds to build a recreation center and not stand around with a thumb up their ass!?

But... I digress... and this will be picked up soon in another blog entry. Back to the Chinese Theater.

No doubt ground zero for Los Angeles' and Hollywoods tourist population the theater has tons of history. Built in 1923 by Sid Grauman it holds over 1100 seats. It is home to the famous hand and foot prints in cement which by the way will always have Darth Vader, C3PO and R2D2 prints in cement.

Lately the Chinese has seen some very interesting random moments, for example Shrek fighting with Busta Rhymes, and some random wookie sexually assaulting Marliyn Monroe! To be honest none of that bantha fodder really surprises me. Except for the wookie thing. They don't ever go for humans, in fact they stick to their own species. Personally I think Marilyn is full of shit.

May the Force be with most of you.

Oh yeah... The LA Ice Cream Party today was pretty cool too.

End of an Institution II

The Old Spaghetti Factory on Sunset Blvd between Bronson Ave and Gordon Street has closed its doors forever.

Word is they'll be tearing the place down later this year to begin building condos, probably with retail stores on the ground floor. I don't understand this new trend in Los Angeles of erecting condominium complexes in commercial areas but I guess some people like living over a Walgreen's in a heavy traffic area.

I feel fortunate enough to say that I had dinner here a few times and quite recently with a long time friend Jedi Master Fox. Not to be confused with Jedi Master Box and his army of speeder bikers.

Although I cant say I was crazy about the place, I can say that a piece of history and many memories will soon be demolished.

May the Force be with most of you.

The GHP

Last night I represented my local Jedi Council at a Coalition of Jedi Councils meeting. The topic of discussion was traffic and docking bay space. As I arrived I noticed I was probably the youngest member of the council and I respect older masters but they soon will disappear and become one with the force and I don't want them planning the future of Hollywood if they wont be around to see it. So part of me went to represent my Jedi Council and yet another part of me went to represent my interest in the future of this city.

The meeting was called to order and immediately I sensed the facilitator was a stickler for the rules and "under the payroll of the GHP." A small contingent of young Jedi were in fact present and I felt could help sway the balance of power. To my dismay they seemed to be affected by someones Jedi Mind Trick because for an hour of nonsense they did not seem to speak up despite obvious frustration at the GHP.

This first hour of the meeting was spent discussing what this meeting was supposed to be about. Wait what? Exactly. You would think if somebody would take the time to invite members of the Jedi Councils to talk about traffic and docking bay space then obviously that must be the central topic. Instead the GHP wanted to talk about planning another meeting and the actual definition of "town hall".

Finally after an hour of respectfully declining to comment, a Jedi Master who will remain anonymous in order to protect him from the evil GHP urged me to speak up and bring the madness to an end. So I did.

I asked the GHP "why have we spent the last hour getting absolutely nothing accomplished and the fact that this meeting is so insanely boring, I'm surprised some of you old timers have managed to stay awake. We have an agenda and that is obviously what we came here to discuss and find a way to address the issues, but quite frankly we haven't even discussed what the actual problem is."

I almost immediately received applause from the young contingent after the GHP stuttered and stumbled to form a response to this most unexpected intelligent comment, but before they could respond I ( being a Dark Jedi and having rather enjoyed the spotlight) continued to rip the evil members of the GHP with solutions to the problems. Solutions that they no doubt found beneath them. Solutions like taking a public transport rather than their own private transport, walking, biking and even leaving the heavily populated Hollywood area. I brought up a the Wise Jedi Master Box (no not Jack-in-the) who everybody in that room has the utmost respect for and how he manages to handle all his business without ever taking up a spot in the docking bay or adding to the traffic on the streets. The evilest of the GHP however pretended not to know who he was. Bitch!

As I continued to rip new assholes in the Council Chambers after my comments were acknowledged but obviously ignored when the GHP reverted back the biggest question of the day "I'm still not understanding what you mean by Town Hall Meeting", the facilitator of this meeting (the same one under the GHP payroll) rolled his eyes at me! Now... when you roll your eyes at someone mid-speech, more often then not the speaker continues and at the end of the meeting addresses the person privately. I on the other hand was not deterred by this obvious show of disrespect and stopped to address him right then. Obviously with all eyes on me nobody in the Council Chamber saw this but I made sure everybody knew what he did and after he denied it pointed out that he had indeed done so and told him not to do it again. He insisted he didn't but before he finished I said "Your powers are week old man." He kept his mouth shut the rest of the evening and never made eye contact with me again.

After the meeting I was showered with thank yous and congratulations and business cards. Hopefully this will let people know that I am not the Dark Jedi to be fucked with.

May the Force be with most of you.