Thursday, August 16, 2007


Last night I represented my local Jedi Council at a Coalition of Jedi Councils meeting. The topic of discussion was traffic and docking bay space. As I arrived I noticed I was probably the youngest member of the council and I respect older masters but they soon will disappear and become one with the force and I don't want them planning the future of Hollywood if they wont be around to see it. So part of me went to represent my Jedi Council and yet another part of me went to represent my interest in the future of this city.

The meeting was called to order and immediately I sensed the facilitator was a stickler for the rules and "under the payroll of the GHP." A small contingent of young Jedi were in fact present and I felt could help sway the balance of power. To my dismay they seemed to be affected by someones Jedi Mind Trick because for an hour of nonsense they did not seem to speak up despite obvious frustration at the GHP.

This first hour of the meeting was spent discussing what this meeting was supposed to be about. Wait what? Exactly. You would think if somebody would take the time to invite members of the Jedi Councils to talk about traffic and docking bay space then obviously that must be the central topic. Instead the GHP wanted to talk about planning another meeting and the actual definition of "town hall".

Finally after an hour of respectfully declining to comment, a Jedi Master who will remain anonymous in order to protect him from the evil GHP urged me to speak up and bring the madness to an end. So I did.

I asked the GHP "why have we spent the last hour getting absolutely nothing accomplished and the fact that this meeting is so insanely boring, I'm surprised some of you old timers have managed to stay awake. We have an agenda and that is obviously what we came here to discuss and find a way to address the issues, but quite frankly we haven't even discussed what the actual problem is."

I almost immediately received applause from the young contingent after the GHP stuttered and stumbled to form a response to this most unexpected intelligent comment, but before they could respond I ( being a Dark Jedi and having rather enjoyed the spotlight) continued to rip the evil members of the GHP with solutions to the problems. Solutions that they no doubt found beneath them. Solutions like taking a public transport rather than their own private transport, walking, biking and even leaving the heavily populated Hollywood area. I brought up a the Wise Jedi Master Box (no not Jack-in-the) who everybody in that room has the utmost respect for and how he manages to handle all his business without ever taking up a spot in the docking bay or adding to the traffic on the streets. The evilest of the GHP however pretended not to know who he was. Bitch!

As I continued to rip new assholes in the Council Chambers after my comments were acknowledged but obviously ignored when the GHP reverted back the biggest question of the day "I'm still not understanding what you mean by Town Hall Meeting", the facilitator of this meeting (the same one under the GHP payroll) rolled his eyes at me! Now... when you roll your eyes at someone mid-speech, more often then not the speaker continues and at the end of the meeting addresses the person privately. I on the other hand was not deterred by this obvious show of disrespect and stopped to address him right then. Obviously with all eyes on me nobody in the Council Chamber saw this but I made sure everybody knew what he did and after he denied it pointed out that he had indeed done so and told him not to do it again. He insisted he didn't but before he finished I said "Your powers are week old man." He kept his mouth shut the rest of the evening and never made eye contact with me again.

After the meeting I was showered with thank yous and congratulations and business cards. Hopefully this will let people know that I am not the Dark Jedi to be fucked with.

May the Force be with most of you.

1 comment:

Militant Angeleno said...

Whenever the town hall meeting will be, Jedi Master Box and his army of speederbikers should be present.