Bike Parking or Fort Knox?

A little over a year ago I was introduced to Jedi Master Box. I'd never met somebody like him... actually... I still have yet to meet somebody like him. Anywho.... a few months later I ran into him at Barnsdall Art Park in East Hollywood when he said "Dude. Where'd you park your bike?" I was embarrassed to say I drove but managed to Jedi Mind Trick him and convince him that I didn't bike up Olive Hill because there was no proper bike parking. Which was the purpose of the conversation anyways. Months went by and I continued to dive up to Barnsdall for whatever reason I needed to go up there. On one of my most recent visits I made an astonishing observation. I ACTUALLY found bike parking. After carefully monitoring the situation I realized how ridiculous and pathetic the single rack was. Not only as you can see is it a single U-Lock but it seems to be surrounded by 6 posts to keep your bike safe. Awww..... how considerate.

Does this single bike parking make a difference? No
Does this single bike parking need to be protected like Fort Knox? Yes

Really? Yes. Because this single bike parking is directly in front of two handicapped spaces. I envision some geriatric driver who see's these yellow posts and mistakes them for a yellow light and then they floor it to make the light but eventually hit the posts that were meant to stop them but since the city probably did a half ass job of installing them they will no doubt succumb to the 1967 Ford Fairlane with the 427 Big Block and only 65,000 miles on it leaving your classic schwinn looking like some of the "Street Art" on Vermont and great grandma claims it was already like that before she got there.

Sunset Gordon update

Jedi Master Box attended the meeting mentioned in my last entry and reported on it at laist. Great work Jedi Master Box!

I got gas

So, this morning I set out on the AT-AT to West LA to run some governmental business and I am now the proud owner of filed income tax returns. Why drive out to WLA to get them done you ask? Because there are people in this world that love me and will do it for me for free. Alas, that was not my only reason to drive or else I would have probably taken mass transit; I volunteered some time today to the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days and had agreed to deliver daffodils to sponsors and other important people. I know have the best smelling AT-AT in the Universe. I made it back to Hollywood just in time to attend my weekly CERT Training Course where I learned that using my Light Saber to cauterize wounds is somehow not the Jedi way.

After my course ended I hopped back in the AT-AT to head back to WLA to attend a seminar being given by Homeboy Industries. I noticed that my ride was low on plasma so I stopped by a Chevron to fill up. The only pump that was not being used was the farthest from the cashier which under normal circumstances would not be a problem since I have my trusty Bank of Jedi Master Tommy bank card. For some unearthly reason the stupid machine said my card didn't work and I had to walk to the cashier. They invented Pay-at-the-pump to make life more convenient and faster for those who have time management problems. I, did not want to inconvenience myself so I said, "Fuck you! My AT-AT runs on Midichlorians, bitch!" and I left.

In other transportation news, the East Hollywood Neighborhood Council has been busy these last few days making statements and setting precedents. First, last Thursday the NC released a video showing their vision on transit and planning at a Town Hall sponsored by the Hollywood Coalition of Neighborhood Councils, which was featured on LAist.com. Then, last night, the NC became the first in no doubt a long and distinguished list of groups, government agencies and other jedi councils to endorse the Cyclist Bill of Rights which was drafted by Jedi Master Box, Jedi Mistress Box and Jedi Master Will Campbell among others, cementing themselves as the NC of the 21st century, that those other NC's with GHP's should begin to look at for progressive ideas. Given the stubborn nature of those other boards, I wouldn't hold your breath. More info on the precedent setting NC here, here and here.

... and he recycles too!

Jedi Master Box of cycling fame in this blog was published in the LA Times yesterday doing what he does best... advocating cycling! He'll be happy to know that I semi-ditched the land speeder for my very own speeder-bike. I am no longer as much of a polluter as I once was. Thank you Jedi Master Box for being such a strong voice in Hollywood. He even tells us where to recycle our old Christmas trees and how to get eco-friendly shit from it too like a fluorescent light bulb, free mulch and a tree!!!

Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Saturday night after having some land speeder trouble I made my way down to the Italian Feast of San Gennaro in Hollywood with good friend the Silent Android on the Metro. After making a small pit stop at the Hollywood and Western stop we ran into old friend and champion of biker speeder rights Jedi Master Box of all people. We informed him of our destination and proceeded to make our way towards the festival.

Once we arrived there we encountered a maze of smells leading us in many different directions. We had to chose what kind of Italian food we wanted to stand in line for. Pizza, cannoli's, espressos, calzones, gelato, sausage and meatballs, Italian ice, mozzarella cheese etc etc etc seemed to be everywhere. The lines seemed to be everywhere too. The shortest lines were for some cannolis made by Storm Troopers and Rocos Pizza. You know... the guys that set up shop in Vitos old place in East Hollywood.... yeah those guys. Vito's line was twice as long if not more. You rock Vito!

Anywho, I digress. We had those cannolis which weren't great but weren't bad they just were. The Italian Ice was awesome. The gelato was not chalky like it is at some gelato shop in Silver Lake, in fact it was pretty good.

We listened to Italian music, ate some Italian food, learned some Italian history in LA and we ran into a Roller Derby Skater Fighter acquaintance of mine. Los Angeles truly is an amazing city.

Cannoli Place

Cheesy decorations look like X-mas

They were selling lightsabers to non Force Sensitive people! I stopped them.

May the Force be with most of you.
"Don't forget the cannoli."

Storm Troopers are at it again

I ask you. What is wrong with this picture?

This time they were not serving a search warrant, they were hand cuffing Jedi Master Box and his wife.(wife? thats not the Jedi way!) Anyways, Jedi Master Box was attacked by a local bus driver the other night and Storm Troopers (as usual) got a contorted view of the events and hand cuffed the innocent victim then proceeded to hand cuff his wife for telling them they were cuffing the wrong person.

*note to self. Never tell Storm Troopers how to do their job.

I'm beginning to get the feeling that Storm Troopers are just another street gang only they have badges that give them the authority to be assholes and shoot people.

Apparently cyclist's are road hazards now.

*not to self. Find that bus driver and ask her is she enjoys running over cyclists.

We still have a long way to go to make the streets of Hollywood and Los Angeles safe for everybody.

May the force be with most of you.
except stupid bus drivers.

You don't need to see my search warrant,

In an ongoing story, Jedi Master Box who has brought us the story of the Beverly Hills Storm Trooper incident has taken a turn for the..... distasteful.

Friday afternoon the Beverly Hills Storm Troopers served LAist with a search warrant after last weeks article.

quote from LAist:
"The warrant states that the police are to search the author's information and any relevant IP associations (even though the author was with the police on Thursday morning) and all IP addresses with date/time stamps for all comments posted before and after the the warrant was served. The police suspect there may be a correlation in IP addresses from LAist's comments and the e-mail address the threat was made with."

The Hollywood Jedi will not stand for this injustice and will forever give them and the city of Beverly Hills as much shit as I can possibly give them whether its with my keyboard, my bike, my car, my light saber. (fyi that cannot be constituted as a terrorist threat you fucking pigs so don't come serve my ass with a warrant either). And no pulling me over cos I'm brown again either!